Sometimes I'm serious.

MOVIE JOKES

I gained temporary hope from movies.  Usually it was so temporary that my hopes died before the movie even began.  Damn previews.

Even the greatest movie stars of an era are mostly ignored by future generations.  I suppose this is for the best.  It’d be weird if lots of kids sat around on the weekends watching Chaplin flicks.

You know you're old when you have a friend who’s younger than you but looks like they should be playing an uptight dean in a movie.

I lived like a bad movie.  I existed for a short time, people mostly ignored me, and the ones who saw me seemed unimpressed.

Movie writers spend most of their lives crafting scripted words knowing that many people care more about how actors look than anything they say.

Just because you value movies doesn't mean you will ever be an actor.  You might live hundreds of miles away from anywhere anyone records anything on film more interesting than baby birthday party videos.

Can you believe there was an era in film when WILL FERRELL did nudity?

Cinematic innovations of generations led to a world of people who only watch what’s free online.

I don't like horror movies. Real life is scary enough.

A friend stated that they thought they'd be perfect to play the role of a gritty buddy cop with edge who loves eating veggie burgers and has an obsession with Martha Plimpton.  I advised the friend "Be careful.  You don't want to get typecast."

I spent most of my teen years watching stupid comedy movies to better prepare myself for the stupid comedy of adulthood.

A professional actor should have more range than unconvincing to boring. 

Movies age like people: Not much after a few years, a few decades tend to take a serious toll, and a few generations make even the best look ancient, irrelevant, or dead.

MAKING AN ALL-TIME GREAT MOVIE WILL PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN IF YOU: 

Think Pauly Shore films are too intellectual. 

Are paying tribute to America’s Funniest Home Videos. 

Make a documentary about Wyoming. 

Stretch an infomercial out for a few hours. 

Invent a new language for the film, but can’t interpret it to others.

Take the silent movie concept a step further by making a movie without any visual element too. 

Only have one actor who never stops talking and speaks at the rate of the micro machines ad guy. 

Try to shoot an underwater documentary without appropriate equipment. 

Lose track of the intended order of the film and arrange all scenes randomly.  

Let another director make up the second half of the movie without any knowledge of what the first half of the movie is about.

Fog the scenes so much that Halle Berry could be John Goodman for all viewers can tell.