Sometimes I'm serious.

IF I WAS POPE

IF I WAS POPE

Hey. I’m Mr. Pope now, but I’m just some guy. I don’t have any special connection to any God. Neither did any of the other Popes. Neither do any of you.

There’s no evidence that proves the existence of the Christian God or any other God.

The church has been lying to almost everyone about almost everything for its entire history.

The dumber and more trusting people have been, the better the church has done financially.

Hating people as Christians makes no sense. Stop it.

There’s a great deal of horrible, immoral content in The Bible

People shouldn’t kill, rape, torture, or mistreat others due to divine commands.

God doesn’t guarantee that all of his followers will be wealthy and get whatever they want if they just pray for it. God isn’t a giant genie who grants everybody wishes.

Go ahead and use condoms. We have more than enough people now.

All consenting ADULTS, including priests, can have sex with other consenting ADULTS any time.

People shouldn’t be abused for refusing to believe in God.

Church officials who molest young boys or girls should be shot and hung simultaneously.

Don’t get politics involved with the church. Politics are a different type of lies.

Eat whatever you want on Friday’s during lent. It isn’t a sacrifice to eat fried fish. A sacrifice would be giving away money to feed hungry people.

If you’re coming to church only a few times a year, come when it’s not Easter or Christmas. The crowds are crazy and there are a lot more opportunities to get good seats on less prime weekends.

Instead of maintaining magnificent structures of stone and stained glass we should HELP NEEDY PEOPLE.

Quit worrying about stupid issues like whether or not Halloween is evil. It is kids putting on costumes, having a bit of sweet candy, and a celebration of the dark Lord Satan. No big deal.

Transubstantiation is a lie. If for some weird reason you feel better about eating actual human flesh and drinking actual blood, you may do so within the range of local laws- but you are a freak.

Let’s just scrap The Old Testament.

Let’s do the same with the New Testament and Apocrypha too.

The new 10 Commandments

1. Try not to harm others.

2. Do what you believe is right.

3. Enjoy life.

4. Be kind to people who deserve it.

5. Don’t try to save others souls. It’s impossible.

6. Don’t pray. It’s a waste of time.

7. There’s no need to sell everything you have to follow Jesus. Follow your instincts instead of a 2000-year-old wandering mystic.

8. No confessing sins to priests. They sin too.

9. Make your own life worth living.