Sometimes I'm serious.
THE ACADEMY AWARDS GOT IT WRONG
The Academy Awards for best picture are absurd. Selecting one film as the “best” is subjective and it’s difficult to come to a group consensus on this issue. But the Academy isn’t even close! They’ve consistently botched every result. Odd Academy choices include:
2010 Academy Award Winner- The King’s Speech: Dull, few people saw it, pretentious.
What should have won- Hot Tub Time Machine: This is so obvious it doesn’t need to be explained!
What would have been a fun pick- The Runaways: Teenage rock girls do nasty things, Dakota Fanning grows up.
What should have been declared the worst of 2010- The Yellow Handkerchief: This is just based on the completely stupid title. Why not call it The Forgettable Napkin?
2009 Academy Award Winner- The Hurt Locker: At least a woman directed a film and finally won!
What should have won- The Hangover: This hilarious road trip buddy comedy featured a nude guy jumping out of a car trunk wielding a crowbar. What else does the Academy want?
What would have been a fun pick- Bruno: It’d be nice to see a few of the stuffy Academy members heads explode.
What should have been declared the worst of 2009- Couple’s Retreat: Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau can be funny, but this movie, despite being set in beautiful Hawaii, is painful to watch.
2008 Academy Award Winner-Slumdog Millionaire: At least there was some Asian representation.
What should have won- Religulous: Funny look at just how crazy some religious nuts are. How many movies have the star getting kicked out of holy places by Mormons and the Vatican and also show scenes of the lead actor smoking marijuana with someone who sets themselves on fire? This is groundbreaking stuff.
What would have been a fun pick- Sex and the City: It’d be fun to watch some Academy members weep.
What should have been declared the worst of 2008- You Don’t Mess With the Zohan: Adam Sandler is a funny guy who makes some terribly annoying characters in films. This lame soldier is one of the worst.
2007 Academy Award Winner- No Country for Old Men: Boring, vastly overrated, piece of garbage.
What should have won- The Simpsons Movie: The greatest TV family of all-time brought their class to the big screen and unjustly received almost no Academy attention.
What would have been a fun pick- Superbad: Any movie that can make this many penis jokes would have been fun to show clips from at the awards show.
What should have been declared the worst of 2007- No Country For Old Men: This is the only time in history the Academy got it literally completely backwards.
2006 Academy Award Winner- The Departed: Not a terrible film, but nowhere near Scorsese’s best. Clearly a make up call from the Academy refs.
What should have won- Little Miss Sunshine: Simultaneously bleak and brilliantly comedic, this one is for the ages.
What would have been a fun pick- Beerfest: The Broken Lizard guys were also completely overlooked for their 2001 masterpiece Super Troopers. Plus, Beerfest has 2 guys named Landfill, a lot of beer, jokes about excessive alcohol consumption, redemption for the sake of dead relatives, and pretty gals.
What should have been declared the worst of 2006- My Super Ex-Girlfriend: Everyone involved must have only done so for the money and must feel guilt and shame if and when this film is mentioned in their presence.
It’s clear that the Academy needs to stop being so dismissive of the finest comedy films when it comes to handing out best picture awards. Get with the program Academy. Get over giving props to sad sappy melodrama. Quit taking everything so seriously and salute the ones who can even make uptight folks like you roll in the aisles laughing!
