Sometimes I'm serious.

COMBAT EVIL WITH POEMS

COMBAT EVIL WITH POEMS! By Mike Nesteruk

Thanks to all of the people I’ve thanked before and many more.

Poems are subjective.  Poems are sometimes pretty.  A lot of poems suck.  Hopefully, not mine. 

CONTENTS

CLEAR POEM                                                 6

CONVENTION CONVENTION                    7

STARTING OVER YET AGAIN                    8

I CAN SEE WHY THEY HATE US               9

I’VE BECOME WHAT I HATED                  10

TRANSCENDING THE MUNDANE                           11

ACCEPTING THE NORM                                             13

OUTER JOY                                                     14

INNER PAIN                                                    15

UPPER MIDDLE CLASS DESTINY                            16

THE FREE WILL OF A MAN                       17

REMEMBERING THE FUTURE                  18

FORGETTING THE PAST                                           19

I WANT AN ANSWER                                   20

I DON’T WANT TO KNOW                         21

WHERE IS GOD?                                            22

GOD IS THERE                                               23

WHAT’S THE POINT                                    24

THIS IS THE POINT                                      25

REALITY MAKES YOU                                 26

YOU MAKES REALITY                                 27

SEE NO MIRACLES                                       28

SEE ONLY MIRACLES                                  29

THAT’S OKAY, I WAS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY                 30

HOPE IN AN ODD REALITY                        31

GET MOVING NOW!                      33                                       

MALL SOCIETY                34

HERE I AM JUST STUCK AGAIN                35

I THOUGHT I ONCE SAW A GIRL I COULD HAVE LOVED                             36

I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE’S GONE                  37

I LOST IT ALL                  38

WHAT AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY?                     39

I’D HELP IF I COULD BUT I CAN’T SO I WON’T                 41

ANSWERS DON’T COME QUESTIONS DO AGAIN                                            42

COULD I BE A HERO?                   43

WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY?                        44

GETTING TO A POINT TO LIVE WELL                  45

SO IT SEEMS                    46

WHERE TO TURN IN A LOST WORLD                   47

MAYBE I’M THE FUCKED UP ONE                          49

IT ALL WENT BY SO FAST                         50

ALMOST CERTAIN ABOUT UNCERTAINTY                        54

SILLY PERHAPS KNOWING WE ALL DIE SOMEDAY                       55

I’M SORRY I’M ORDINARY                         57

LESS THAN NOBLE TIME IN LIFE                          57

WHAT A FOOL I WAS, WHAT A FOOL I AM                       59

JERRY’S APARTMENT                  60

POETRY DEFINED                         62

SEEING REGRETS AT A LATER TIME                    64

GIVE LITTLE AND GET LITTLE IN RETURN                       65

BRIEF HOPE                     66

RIDING THE TRAIN ON THE WAY TO WEIRDNESS                        67

SAT AROUND WAY TOO LONG                68

I ADMIT THAT I AM NOT THAT SWEET                             69

THOUGHTS FLOW LIKE WATER IN A RIVER      71                        

MAYBE I WILL GET OFF MY ASS SOMEDAY       72

LIVING AMONG TRAGEDY AND TRIUMPH          73

I REALLY CAN’T BELIEVE IT                                    74

OHIO IS SIMPLE, EVERYWHERE ELSE IS FUCKED UP                    75

MUSINGS OF A CONFUSED MAN                            76

WHAT HAVE I DONE?                  77

WHY KEEP ASKING TRIVIAL QUESTIONS?                        78         

WHAT I WANT                79

HOW COULD ANYONE CONSIDER THIS A SONG?                           81

STUCK                 82

IN MY MIND                     83

PEOPLE I ADMIRE                         85

I SAT THERE WATCHING BASEBALL                    88

LIFE IN A NUTSHELL                   89

DREAMS                            92

BYE BARB                         93

POEM TO MA                   94

LIVE WELL WHILE YOU CAN                    95

ME                        96

SERIOUS POEM                              98

SILLY POEM                     99

RANDOM POEM              101

FREE AS YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE                         102

BLAST FROM THE PAST                             103

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN                        104

PRIDE                  105

RELAX                 107

DEEP                    108

WHAT IS THIS NON-SENSE?                     109

FODDER                            112

MUNDANE SITUATIONS                            113

INFECTED WITH LIFE                 114

NOT COOL                        115

WHO?                  116

BE RELIABLE                   117

HATRED IS A STRONG WORD                  118

MUSIC ISN’T ALWAYS GOOD                    119

ALL OVER THE SHOP                   120

JOKE STARTERS                             121

STEP OFF THE LEDGE                  122

FAILED MOVIE PLOTS                 123

SEX AND TRUTH                            124

CULTURAL CONDITIONING                      126

HOLIDAYS AND MADNESS                        127

FIGHT RIGHT                   129

BANKING GRANDEUR                  130

HONESTY                          131

SIMPLE                              132

IMMATURE SONG                         133

BEAT EVIL                        134

QUAINT                             137

DOZE                   138

CUT OFF RANT AGAINST THE MAN                      142

SOUND FAMILIAR?                       143

ODE TO KEVIN                145

SCRIPT IDEAS                  146

FINISH THE MISSION                   150

SACRED LIFE?                 151

EXISTENCE IS BRIEF                    153

REALIZATIONS               154

MAKE SOMETHING GREAT                       155

UNSURE                             156

FREEDOM TO THINK                   157       

ENDINGS DON’T HAVE TO BE SAD                        159

ROUGHLY 101 PAGES OF EXPERIMENTAL POEMS                        160

 

CLEAR POEM

The world does not stop

If there is a dare

Strike the foe with force

Oh why yes of course

It is too late for you now

Soon to take the final bow

Love all the ones you can

Love a woman, love a man

There is no meaning to life

Give up and get a wife

Tired of all the silly mess

Trying not to second guess

Whole world is full of crazy lies

What a shame, everyone dies

Take the time to live right now

Final curtain awaits your bow

 

Convention Convention

Yeah I’ve heard that yours is impressive

I didn’t realize that much could be made

You must be happy with that

No, I’m not seeing anyone right now

My portfolio is a little light right now

That’s how you make it

Your cars are so nice

Your house is so big

Must be nice to have a pool

Already have insurance thanks

That white picket fence is so lovely

Those kids are so good at everything

Can’t say I’ve had that before

I haven’t been there

I haven’t done that

All I have to do is keep at it

And all this can be mine

Someday I’m sure I’ll be successful

Someday I’ll get there too

Thanks for everything

Whispered under breath- “Thanks for nothing.”

 

Starting Over Yet Again

New beginnings make me laugh

How did I end up here anyway?

The slightest bits of what was remain

But just about everything is gone already

Before I found I ever really began

Tried to live for what I truly love in life

Not what I felt obligated to do in order to succeed

To follow the path of a bright future

To make _____ proud

To make money and sit on my ass

No I decided that since it was all going to end anyway

Might as well try to do what I really wanted

Weird call to make

After all bills must be paid and TV must be watched

I don’t know if I’ll ever have greatness anyway

I literally never tried to live my dream

Not sure if it’s practical or pathetic

It’s probably very much both

The first step to being a writer is……. Writing!

I’ve avoided it for some time now

Waiting for the ultimate truth and inspiration

That will probably never come

So here I am just scribbling my little thoughts

Hoping it will amount to something somehow someday

I Can See Why They Hate Us

They hate us for years of oppression and cruelty

We hate them for merely existing

They hate us for our contempt and dehumanization

They hate us for looking down on them

As if we were better than gods

They hate us for taking away their hope

We hate them for trying to dream

They hate us for taking their babies

We hate them for trying to be our enemies

If they try to rise above their circumstances

We make it worse for them in “decent society”

Than they were ever treated before

They hate us because of what we are

We hate them for what they look like

They hate us for taking so much and giving so little

Even though we could have done either

They hate us for not caring

Even though their pain stared us right in the eyes

I can see why they hate us

Can you see why they hate you?

 

I’ve Become What I Hated

Had dreams to be the next big star

I’d achieve greatness and help others along the way

Yet it never quite materialized

Ended up just another guy

Didn’t climb the mountain

Merely hung around in the plains

Planned to rely on strength of mind

Instead turned to strength of drugs and alcohol

Wanted to do the Lord’s work

But got lost along the way somehow

Either worked for Satan or myself

Depending on your reality interpretation

Yearned to reach others through truth

But gave up the belief in frustration

After all in a place where nobody is right or wrong

How can I tell with no limits?

Became a failure according to virtually any standard

Most sadly my own

Can’t believe it happened

I became something I hated

Something I swore I’d never be

  

Transcending the Mundane

Born to this Earth through no choice of my own

Raised in the church, the school, the ballpark

Enjoyed those days but now I'm left wondering

What was the point of it all

Did I really help anyone or fully live life

Or was I just part of the rich white oppression

Unfortunately I don't have all the answers

But I know I desperately want to be

Transcending the mundane

The tangible world is way too plain

There's got to be something better than this

All I want is spiritual, mental, and physical bliss

Tired of doing everything I'm told to do

Pay your taxes, make your bed, cut your hair

Get a real job, don't be difficult, marry a nice girl

Make sure you dress up, invest in mutual funds

This world can be a real pain

But when I get sick of life

I can always strive to be

Transcending the mundane

There's more to it than just getting more and better things

Try to find the meaning of life

Society isn't always right

Please search for your own answers

The world is in deep pain

 But it doesn't need to be

Forget the rat race set your own pace

Soon enough you and I will be free

 

Accepting the Norm

Everyone else is doing it

So I guess I should do it too

Why rock the boat or question things

It will only cause them trouble

A part of me wants to lash out

But that's not the way things are done

Have to accept my place in life

I'll work, have kids, retire, and die

Accepting the norm

Might as well conform

Maybe there's meaning maybe there's not

Avoid extremists and the rot

In this world best take the safe route

When problems come I'll complain and pout

Like everybody I hate my job

Watch TV lay around like a blob

Corporate life is okay

Easiest way to get good pay

Boring status quo is all right

No alternative within sight

  

Outer Joy

Life is a blast let's have some fun

We’ll go out tonight and party til dawn

Get high and have a good time in the sun

Kickin it with friends and trying to meet the right girl or boy

It’s time to show some joy

Life is a beach no time to preach

Forget about problems you're only supposed to enjoy

Find something funny and sit in the sun

The good times for you have just begun

Don’t worry about those with less than you

Remember there's nothing you can do

Go to the movies get to a concert try the park

There’s a million things you can do to chill

Step into the light and avoid the dark

Life is going to happen so don't stand still

Do as much as possible in life

Get a nice home and a good looking wife

Make six figures invest in stock

Be the envy of every other family on the block

   

Inner Pain

Why should I bother going on

There is nobody who cares no point I can see

Those who needed me then need nothing now

I've done nothing with my life and I'll do nothing more

Got no experience where I need it

To do anything I want I need more

Money, education, friends

It's a cruel and unusual situation

To see people living my dream every day

And not being able to have it

I believe there's more to existence

But I can't prove it

I feel so wrong

But how can I be wrong in a generation and

Nation that doesn't believe in anything anyway

Striving for peace but there is only war

If I can't help myself I can't help the poor

So I wrestle with issues day and night

Finding truth and purpose is quite a fight

Can't see my purpose but I'll cling to hope

Day by day I'll find some way to cope

Don't want to be here but can't end it all

So I'll live a lie and put up a wall

Upper Middle Class Destiny

Born to be mild

Go to fancy schools as a child

Clothes are clean and hair is styled

No look at the real world you'll be beguiled

In youth you'll become sour

Staring at the clock waiting for the end of the hour

Trapped in life like princess in the tower

You’ll hate the system until you get its power

When you have the power you'll fall in line

Work 9-5, TV 6-10

Hate the job but cannot sob

There’s nothing better for people like you out there

When you finally have money you're too old to enjoy it

You’re already in a rut

Could help others but instead build the bank account

You’ve worked too hard to destroy it

Well the time will come for the end of your time

And way too late you'll realize the crime

For seventy years you worried about going astray

You never had a choice it had to be this way

  

The Free Will of a Man

Pray how you want to pray

Talk to God however you want

Worship God however you want

Define god however you want

Say what you want to say

Use free speech however you want

Make your voice heard wherever you want

Rock and talk whenever you want

Stay where you want to stay

You can live wherever you want

You can leave whenever you want

Play when you want to play

You can do whatever you want

Take it easy whenever you want

Relax whenever you want

 

Remember the Future

Are you doing anything people will remember 100 years from now

have you considered the possibility of your eternal destiny

is your existence making life better now and beyond

when you look back will you look back with pride or grief

Please don't forget about the future

ponder what happens to the soul

help yourself and help others

enjoy the present while thinking of what's to come

What is the nature of reality

is it possible for people to know it

how does it apply to everyday life

why is the world full of strife

They say om but others say it's dumb

jesus is just all right with me

but what about those who do not believe

guru nanak confucius lao tzu had some good ideas

but have you ever even heard of them

allah is the god of many but to others an enemy

atheism is completely scientific but completely hollow

what is the right path to follow

an agnostic will tell you it sucks not to know

kosher's not kosher to all

is there a solution

will there ever be a complete spiritual revolution?

Forgetting the Past

I used to be somebody

but now I realize I'm nobody

back then I had simple meaning and purpose

in the present I have nothing

remember when I had friends and a life worth living

can't believe how worthless it's become

Past was a blast today is dismay

Existence is bland still don't understand

who what when why and how

Reflections of then only hurt me now

Trying to trace where I went wrong

Played by the rules learned in schools

Maybe I conformed too much

Or maybe I was just born evil

Frustrating trying to explain it

Past taught me little present the same

My 22 year game of hide and seek

With god is getting old

Forget negative vibes and pray god does too

Dwelling on past mistakes ruins today through death

Get the monkey off your back repent of sins

Dump your messed up memories

Dig current events

Forget the past the only life we have is now

I Want an Answer

It doesn't appear to be near

Why is the most important question to ask

Although the one I'll probably never know

Hey god why don't you show your face

You’re losing the faith of the human race

Nobody likes having pain insanity and death

So why is it here at all

Where are all the good people at

Why do some starve while others are fat

How can one have faith and trust

In a world where competition is a must

Is there a heaven or hell

Ultimate reality brahman nirvana hard to tell

Waited all my life for a speck of truth

Hoping reality isn't just an evolutionary goof

If god's all good and powerful

Why does evil exist

Anything important can't be proved

What does it take for people to be moved

Is there any true love

What about true love

Why does the hawk beat the dove

What about god's ways

Let’s face it crime pays

I Don't Want To Know

I don't want to know

Misery hatred and woe

I don't want to know

An existence dominated by dough or cash flow

There's so much in life I don't want to know

Those with sin who still cast stones

A world that spends trillions killing people off

While billions die because they don't have enough

Abused children and abusive parents

Joyless jobs and constant laments

Race against race class against class man against god

It’s a fight nobody wins everyone is flawed

I assure you I don't want to know

The anguish that would be death row

Even one more unnecessary death

A human being breathing the last breath

Nothing I want to know about the horrors of war

Or any reality where life is a bore

The despising of people never ending greed

Ignoring and oppressing those in need

A world with priorities out of wack

Planet earth has gone from mad to cracked

Where is God?

Where is god when life's at its best

Can’t see god when I live the rest

Where is god when I live through the worst

Can’t see god even though I thirst

Fail to see god as other people

Cannot see god inside church steeple

Fail to see god as mother nature

Can’t see god inside some creature

Do not believe that the sun is god

All religions seem a bit odd

Looking for god but seeing a fable

Want to believe but don't feel able

Desperately seeking signs of divinity

Seen lots of art but not the real trinity

Can see the temple but no mystical force

Life is hard trying to find the source

Been told god appears to those who believe

Not a gift I've been blessed to receive

I'll try hard to find god any way I can

Hopefully god will visit this man

  

God is There

Even though I can't see it (I'm blind I see nothing!)

I've never heard it (HELLO THIS IS GOD!)

Can’t taste it (MMM- chocolate is only semi-divine)

Never smelled it (Sniff)

Definitely haven't touched it (touch sound effect)

I can catch the slightest aura of a spiritual presence (heavenly choir)

Of a magnitude greater than rational sensory perceptions (loud jamming chords)

Like the wind blowing (whoosh)

Like the sun rising (BAM)

Like a child being born (baby crying)

Like a beautiful abstract concept (       )

It’s something I can't completely understand (like astrophysics)

Yet something that is amazing (Oh what an amazing goal!)

I believe god is there and there is a god (Hallelujah)

But I'm not convinced people know (Uhhh....)

Without a shadow of doubt (simple chord)

God exists, works, feels, thinks, commands, and/or demands

Is it the god of the jews or the gods of the hindus

I don't know for sure but I don't see why

It can't be both or neither one of them

In a particular situation (Amen brother!  Amen!)

 Don't know if it's in the heart, nature, the mind, the physical plain, the everyday

The awesome and powerful, a spiritual plain, metaphysical or what but

I believe God is there......somewhere (climatic end)

What's the Point?

Why try to be a success

Save your time settle for less

Why bother with the white picket fence

Suburban life makes no sense

Why go to church on sunday

When it means nada monday

Why make the world a better place

You’re too tiny in any case

Why try to look good and fit in

When all you do and like is sin

Why follow those who command

Step out if line and you'll get canned

Why try to obey all the rules

They’re made by rich oppressive fools

Why mess with love and get married

Can’t love just one til you're buried

Why do you want to have a kid

They’ll hate parents just like you did

What's the point

I can't tell I don't get it

What’s the point

I don't know got to admit it

Why do anything at all

Staying alive takes gall

This is the Point

Get food clothing and shelter

Have fun with the rest

Connect with other people

Discover purpose to your labor

Paint pretty pictures (here and in the mind)

Embrace what is good and beautiful

Reject fear pain and pestilence

Stand for your perception of truth and justice

Fight against evil; and its ugliness

Constantly strive to know more

Never conform blindly without thought

Find why people believe what they believe

Remember how small you are in the grand scheme

Talk about things that matter

Be willing to take chances

Do what you love at any price

Contemplate the world and beyond

Enjoy simple little pleasures

Help those in need

Read good books

Listen to the music

View nature and art with wonder

Live life to the fullest

Hope for better things to come

Reality Makes You

Reality makes you

Reality takes you

Reality breaks you

Raised to be just like mom and pop

Individual death can't stop

We always tried but never grew

Have no control the world shapes you

You're no different than the rest

Even the best fail the test

Originality is a lie

Nobody’s unique don't even try

Like my culture I get meaner

Can’t see where the grass is greener

Tried to find another way

I'm a dog they make me obey

Reality placed me in christianity

Though some of it's good some of it's insanity

Reality made me white

Some parts wrong and some parts right

Reality decided I'd be a guy

Enjoy some of life but sometimes wish I'd die

Reality gave me the USA

We’ve done great wrong but we're mostly ok

 

You Makes Reality

Your life is defined by you my friend

Make it plain or make it pretend

Got time and money go out and spend

You decide what's around the bend

Life is whatever you make it

So make it good

Find what you want and take it

You know you should

Live for pleasure not for pain

World’s an oyster yours to gain

Wake up realize your might

You decide what's wrong and right

Whether you're hard or whether you're tough

Totally up to you sure enough

Your suffering is a state of mind

You control your destiny you'll find

Is god alive or dead

You decide in your head

What is human life worth

You’ve decided since birth

Can anyone truly do good

Be a golden boy or a hood

So I beg you please don't believe any lie

You makes reality limit's the sky

See No Miracles

Everything is so boring

Been there done that

Seen it all before

Tried to be a righteous one

Nothing happened though I prayed

Tired of work tired of pain

Tired of pointlessness

Tired of being inhumane

So isolated it's not funny

Don’t know life or joy

No amusement hate the mundane

Lost all dreams and all cares

Too bitter for marriage too poor for affairs

Afraid to die

But I don't want to live like this

Not convinced things will get better

All evidence is to the contrary

Fate will make me bald fat and dull

Old sick unwanted and unneeded

In a sense I'm totally free

Because I don't believe in anything

But I can't think of anything worth doing

Guess I'll just survive til I die

See Only Miracles

How can one see miracles in these times

Here’s a brief list from one guy with limited experiences, travel, and knowledge

Focus on what makes life worth living

Observe a kind and gracious act at any level

Dine on the best meal on earth

View the best- Pele, Ronaldo, Michael Jordan, Magic, Gretzsky, Orwell, Ginsberg, Mike Myers, De Niro, Dali, Picasso, Escher or whoever the local legend is at the game of choice

Gaze at Niagara Falls for hours

Notice the white sands of Panama City

Stare at the sea as far as the eye can see

Watch the children playing peacefully in the grass

Think of times you've felt love

Recognize endless possibilities surround the universe

Laugh heartily at the brilliance of the Simpsons

Let the Jimi Hendrix Experience blow your mind

Continue to dream you're a poet actor scholar doctor

Ladies man preacher teacher dancer musician president

Comedian peanut guy at a baseball game nobody or

Exactly as you are now- whatever you want

Meditate chant pray sing and/or talk

Just focus on a higher being of some sort

Fill the world with your passion and joy

And you will see only miracles

THAT’S OK, I WAS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY

I guess I knew since I was five

Nobody gets to stay alive

Forever and ever like we should

So we could do all we could

To live life well and make the world great

Instead of being afraid and full of hate

The time for dreams seems to have left

Now I’m just a regular guy, not the best

 

HOPE IN AN ODD REALITY

I could write one about virtually any of the genres going on

I love the world, I hate the world

Make a statement and make it count

The truth is that you never know

Might as well get to trying to be great

You have nothing to lose in the end

The people you love

The people you hate

They all die

Eventually

This life is temporary

Do what you like

While you still can

Don’t want to die

But you know you will

The truth will come if you have boldness and courage

The people who try hard to overcome

Come a lot closer than the rest

The people who continue to create

Are the ones who are best

The people who refuse to stop

Despite the great unknown

Have lots of courage

They are the ones who own

The world and great things

It is amazing

The people who work hard are the ones who gain

At least if they care and sustain

A career that lasts

And gets past the past

The world is a great place

But not for the human race

It is a better place for nature

It’s not going anywhere

Vain humans contain it

But vain humans won’t break it

Have the knowledge to go after what one love with a vengeance

Use what you have to make a focused effort to live well

Use what you have to help others in noble ways

Get Moving Now!

I need to get fired up somehow

Otherwise I find myself feeling empty and void of purpose

Why do we put things off?

Saying we need to reach a certain point to do this

Instead of going through with it right away

Spent so much time asking questions

And so little really living

Glad I had times of reflection

But really missed connection with people

Lucky it’s not too late

Just feels like I’ve been kicked in the head

Time after time due to the pain

Can’t I lose the pain?

It seems that I have to if I want to be

Alive and anything close to happy

Words by themselves mean very little

Until they inspire action

Riding the fence only works for so long

Got to get up and make a mark

Even if we only exist for a while

The need to create and love will never leave

Mall Society

When it comes right down to it my country is basically like a mall

Nearly all in a money driven haze

The rich who are buying

The poor who are sighing

Everyone caught up in the capitalist craze

Any item you can imagine can be found

Keep up with the Jones’ mothers

Tons of fly girls and decked out brothers

Bitter punk rockers just hanging around

Elderly just taking a leisurely stroll

Business man trying to get in and out

Crying babies and kids who pout

Salesman clearly trying to meet the sales goal

Thousands of tiny items they say you need

Important stores from the arcade to the house of god

Throw down your loot blow your wad

Compassion doesn’t exist can see only greed

Same old stuff we’re all the same

Fitting in is the name of the game

STUCK

Here I am just stuck again

In the same old goddamn town

 

I Thought I Once Saw a Girl I Could Have Loved

While skating through the park I caught out of the corner of my eye

Couldn’t be certain but it sure looked like her

My devotion to god had prevented our love in the past

But I had given up the Holy Roller gig

And anything was possible

But time had gone by and I’d changed for the worse

I was older balder fatter and sadder

So I glanced one more time and just kept going

Maybe the smartest thing I ever did

Maybe the most foolish

I’ll always wonder if I could have loved her

I Can’t Believe She’s Gone

Why did it happen to her?

She was good to people and made life

Better for everyone around her

She inspired others and lived

To the fullest

She made people laugh

Consoled them when others cried

Music poetry and art were her loves

Friends to the familiar and the strange

Nothing seemed impossible for her

She could do it all

If she knew I’d be hurt this much

Would she have left at all?

Never thought I’d feel this bad

My heart and soul are mourning

Wish I could have gone instead

I’m left without her

Feeling even less than alone

I Lost it All

Stored my vast thoughts and deepest feelings

The edge of my dark conflicted soul

In black and white on some journals

Took immense pride in the work achieved

Worth more to me than any material possession

Four years of my songs poetry and reflections

Dreams fears and everything in between

Yet someone took it

Raced like a madman to recover it

Resorted to prayer repeatedly

Yet nothing came and I was left

In total shock and even more pain

Left even more clueless as to why

I meant to share it with the world

But never got around to it

Losing everything that had meaning

The journals were just one more to push

It all over the edge

I may have nearly lost my mind

And might be stuck here for a while

Feels like god abandoned me and man can’t help

All that I once had seemed pointless 

 

What Am I Doing Here Anyway?

Thought I wanted to be a rock star

No couldn’t be I never tried

Maybe I’d take up philosophy

Only as much as the guy on the street corner

Who’s got no shoes

Dreamed of rollin’ round the world

Sailing the seas

With gorgeous ladies

And my buddies

And their lovelies

Mostly just stayed around where I was

Never making up my mind

Just kind of living day to day

And saw what came my way

Began as an experiment of sorts

Ended with me

Nearly driven to madness

So now I’m left wondering what to do

Here today and for all the rest

I guess I’ll just exist

And wait around for my time to die

Tried to look god

Right in the eye

And finally see

The supposed truth of the one

Show me the way

Lead me to the golden path

Teach me everything

From love to wrath

Fill my heart my mind my body my soul

Prayed and groveled for many years

But never got the answer

For the most relevant question

What should I do with my life?

The faithful lost their faith in faith

And left us all like the blind

Attempting to see

Are we left to swim in a sea of doubt?

For all eternity

Or does it all just end

Makes no sense to me

Either way

Nothing existed

Then something came from nothing

Or some guy in a cloud

Decided to up and make

The universe one day

Existence isn’t logical

So should our lives be?

I’d Help if I Could but I Can’t So I Won’t

Although everything appears to be different

Everything is different and everything is the same

Here let me explain:

Change is constant

We are all ever so gradually simultaneously moving

Towards maturity well being and growth

And deteriorating to one moment closer to death

As much as we try nothing can be exactly the same

It only seems that was due to narrow thinking

You’re only ten once and you can’t change the past

Yet your job is still boring and you pay the same damn bills

Over and over and over and over

Even the McDonald’s the Walmart’s and the suburbs

Have some slight variations to the trained eye

At a practical level virtually everything is the same

For most people in most times and places

Still have to wake up shit shower and shave

Ride to work punch the clock crunch the numbers

Come home eat something watch TV

Talk to the same people

In the same language about the same stuff all the time

Knowing this how do we live best?

Wish I could tell you more than nothing

Unfortunately from what I can tell you have to figure it out

Answers Don’t Come Questions Do Again

Wanted to have a permanent impact on others

Change the world and make it a better

Never found a way

And it got me to thinking

How can an impermanent being make permanent change anyway?

As far as I can tell

Whether it be for a few seconds (like a sneeze)

Or millions of years (like a mountain)

All physical objects eventually fade away

How then best to spend our time?

I think it depends on your situation

Better get enough to eat, have a shelter, and only be naked when you want to

Beyond that I really am clueless

On how to advise all of humanity

Seems so much good could be done

So much evil too

Cast your lot in with some others

Make a decision and see what happens

Just wish I had the answer

Could I Be a Hero?

Can I work miracles like a great holy man?

Do I have the ability to swing like Hef?

Could I play tunes like Hendrix or better?

Might I be funnier than Richard Pryor?

Is it possible I’d be greater than Jordan?

What if I could create more strangely than Dali?

Always wanted it all but don’t know how to get it

Sincerely believe I could move the world

If I just knew what to do

And why I should dedicate myself to it

Want to perfect the perfect craft

Don’t know what it is

Stuck on the first draft

Writing words I’d never say

Until it’s over and I’m left wondering

Should I try for helpful miracles?

Or should I be a smartass?

Better to focus on inspiring through

Sports music comedy art

Or just get a day job?

Passion for beauty inspires temporarily

But hasn’t led to the great big answer

Repeatedly had to learn lessons

To maintain the happiness I want

What Makes Me Happy?

The concept of living, loving, truthful, caring, compassionate eternal positive life

Freedom to live joyfully and without experiencing painful consequences

Soccer, sports, music, books, movies, TV, food, drink, people, friendships, orgasms

Sex, relaxation, peace of mind, water- the sea, the ocean, etc., the beach

 Doing the right thing, laughter, the innocence of little kids, playing guitar, my family

 Art, comedy, stand up, improv, cartoons- TV and drawings, shopping for groceries

 Casually checking out most goods and services, health, guilt free money, cards, games

 Pool, swimming, ridiculous activities- Frisbee golf, seeing the people who mean the most

Truth, saying “adios” or let’s go or peace or shalom

For everyone to exist forever in peace

To have justice

Pay for the wrongs in some manner

But nothing as severe as eternal damnation- a case by case basis

To have something to believe in that is right

And carries me through all situations in life

To be able to serve a loving purpose

To believe that I’m doing the right thing as much as possible

To be able to forgive myself and others for mistakes made

To be happy with myself and to impart wisdom to others

To consistently live for what I believe in

Writing, reading, talking, music, friends, family, truth, meaning, purpose, movies, sports, TV, food, drink

To strongly believe in principles, myself, others, meaning

To believe in others possible shortcomings but to have sincere hope for their positive potential

 

Getting to a Point to Live Well

Damn I hate to admit it

Even though I want to believe that I tried to do right

All this time I’ve just been afraid

Afraid of missing what is absolutely the best

Focused on it so much I missed most of what was right in front of me

Afraid of god

What is it all about?

I don’t know

So how can I tell the world any small bit of truth

When I haven’t even found out who I am

Or what I should be doing with my time?

Afraid of death

It’s all going to end

Hope there’s a happy place

After this life and I hope I get there

And can help others get there too

But again

I don’t know

Afraid of consequences

Going to jail, getting my ass kicked, hurting others

Physical, mental, and spiritual suffering

At best have vague hints

On how to beat those fears

 

SO IT SEEMS

It seems either

Life is meaningless or has purpose

If meaningless

We should all kill ourselves to get to the final curtain

Or live and do whatever we want

All the time, positive or negative

Or lead lives of quiet desperation

Most seem to anyway

Suicide, live how you really want, or settle for whatever happens

If there is purpose

Then life is essentially what we make it

Which option seems best to you?

I’ve thought about it for my own life

I don’t want to die yet (suicide is out)

Of course I want to do what I want all the time

But I’m still wrestling with exceptions due to consequences

What if I want to fuck a 15 year old girl?

What if I want to experience illegal mind expanding drugs?

What if I want to sit and watch The Simpsons?

Decisions made for the moment effect soon to come options

Been dreaming for so long so many vivid wonderful dreams

And settled for less in reality for so long

Don’t even know what the biggest dream is anymore

 

Where to Turn in a Lost World

I feel kind of lost

I feel kind of down

Don’t know what I’m doing

Trying to look around

Thought that I’d be happy

If I found a wife

Never really found it

Secret to life

Caught glimpses of beauty

And got some good vibes for sure

Never really saw the point

Of what I was supposed to do

Wish I’d realized

Mistakes coming from the past

Had no understanding

It all blew by so fast

Conscience constantly burdened

By what I should be doing

Haven’t been truly at peace

Ever since my mind has been wandering

Judging other too harshly

Haven’t conquered my own fears

Unsure where to turn for answers

Hope it all ties together

To bring the world more love

Doubt has played a big part

In holding up my dreams

Deciding whether to live out loud

Or settle for quiet desperation

We must deal with the stupidity of the human race

We must deal with the absurdity

Of existence, time, and space

Just want to pick a place

Where I can find

The best life I can

Live it up

Help out those

Who really need it and want it

Crazy that I’ve been so stuck

In perceptions of my mind

Less than they should be

For me and everybody

My sincere prayer/hope/desire

That I can serve a purpose that has meaning

Live a noble and happy life

Helping others and promoting a better world

Need to find balance and myself

  

Maybe I’m the Fucked Up One

The evil I’ve so despised in others

I now recognize potentially exists in myself

Probably always has

Probably always will

Been afraid to fail

Afraid to succeed

Afraid to be boring

Afraid to live fully

Confused about the particulars

Of virtually any human method

If I can’t tell you a simple thing about god

How can I tell you how to live?

Lost my mission

Content with stuff but wrestling with the soul

Recognize it’s all temporary on earth

But still take it all too seriously

How much sense does that make?

Let me gain greater perspectives, wisdom, and knowledge

Let me know what I should quit

What I should pursue to the fullest

Temporarily screwing around

Believing that somehow I’ll see

That life is worth living

And we’re going to make it to a better place

It All Went By So Fast

Change happened in the world

Without my consent

I wanted my god to be

An undying rock

The ultimate foundation I could lay

All my values and hopes on for eternity

I wanted my family to stay put

So I could always return

To the way things were

If I was in the mood for it

I wanted my friends to be the same

And do the same things with me

That led to our closeness and togetherness

I wanted the same girls to love me

Even though I unintentionally pushed them away

I wanted the same music, stars, and days

To remain great and be recognized by all

I wanted to remain 18 and irresponsible

I wanted to know everything that is, was, and could be

Important in life

I wanted to be guaranteed everything would always be the best

Everything would work out

Betting on the sure bet that wasn’t there

How could I put my faith in anything less than perfect?

I began to doubt that the truth I embraced may not be true

For everyone

But I hung because of my holiest of vows

For the length of time I promised I would

Immediately after I recognized

How little I had and how little I had done

In the grand scheme

Despite it all I’d been blessed

To be given and experienced much

Didn’t understand the point of it all

Or what I was supposed to do next

All the supposed wrongs in the world

Which cause is best to fight for?

All the supposed good in the world

Which one should I embrace?

So I prayed and prayed

For guidance and answers

But received nothing from above

So I lost what I loved most

My god had forsaken me

Or so it seemed

Left wondering why I should bother waking up

Just to face more rejection and frustration

Partially snapped out of it with help

From dearest friends and family

But never fully got over that feeling

That at some point I’d believed lies

And couldn’t tell deceit from truth

Even though I’d spent most of my life

Desperately seeking for answers

For myself and others

To achieve happiness, peace, and realize full potential

Like most if not all others I failed

To live my dream in the real world

So I fell into a life of despair

And stuck to what I knew

Finally got a job

Could connect with normal folks again

Hung with old friends and made a few new ones

Began to experience firsthand

What I’d perceived as sin and began enjoying it

Got stuck in a routine

Never stopped searching for answers to questions

Still plagued my conscience and soul

But came up with nothing

Wandered off to live on my own

Thought that might give me answers

But came up with the same old confusion

Slowly became like those around me or less

Became anti-ambitious, saw no point in trying

Because it was all temporary anyway

Why put faith in something that can be shattered?

Whether a rain drop or a deity or a brew

It all meant nothing in the end

Didn’t want to die so I tried to convince myself to live for simple pleasures

Can’t give up the search for what matters though

Unless you’re content to live miserably

So kept plugging in and tried to find god

In partying and helping the depraved

Partying had its moments of joy but was ultimately completely hollow when faced alone

Helping the depraved was one of the best things I ever did

But that alone didn’t satisfy my soul

Began believing there was no definite answer

Maybe everyone creates their own

Based on genetics, environment, culture, choices, experiences, beliefs, or desires

Maybe we’re all wrong maybe we’re all right

But how can I show you the power of god when I can’t even fix your tire?

How can I heal the world when I myself could be taken by ill health any time?

It became clear that I had expected too much from myself and others

To do the unknown will of an unknown god

I took it on the chin for a while

To experience a different way of life

Embrace the mystery of existence

Find a way to live that will

Bring more joy than pain

Almost Certain About Uncertainty

I haven’t started and I don’t know where to go

Not sure of exactly what I want anyway

Feel like I have to do my best to live

Within the given boundaries of the universe

While exploring my passions

I still feel I have unique perspectives

On matters big and small

Can’t think of anything I’d want more

Than to know the truth about

God, truth, meaning, life, death, existence, etc.

Still stuck with everyday pleasures and expectations

Never fully pursuing my dreams but never totally letting go either

Don’t even know who to fight

To fight for what’s right

Guess I’ll have to start with myself

Even though I’m not sure about much

I feel I’ve got to try

To live a good life and do it my way

If nobody is totally right

That’s the only way

Complete freedom of mind

In an often cruel reality

Brings physical and emotional pain

Just do your best

Silly perhaps knowing we all die one day anyway

Always living like a man afraid to lose

Sure the rent has to be paid

Doesn’t have to be done miserably though

Most admit it can be tough to believe

In the face of so many conflicting ideas

Desperately clinging to a past to begin to explain

A future that is almost assuredly certainly uncertain

Want to go back to an age of innocence

Nobody lives in a snapping fingers universe though

Feeling my labor is somewhere

In the fine territory between

A shit infested, meaningless, isolated, torturous pain filled hell

And beauty that feels more fulfilling

Than can be expressed by

All the joy the world has ever experienced

Seeking the new in old ways

Grasping for the old in new ways

It is or is it

Funny feeling when you honestly believe

You could have been one of the greats

Or could have an even more boring, tiny, dull, plain assed life

Than you already do

Looking the spectrum of good and evil in the eyes

I made a conscious effort

To try to see the good for myself

Even if such a thing

Doesn’t exist

It’s nice to know that you tried your best

To do what you thought was right

Perhaps we all could do more

To try to make the world a better place

Feel sorry for those who harmed others intentionally

They’ve earned a pain worse

Than any other on Earth

A conscience that will never have peace

A spirit that will never soar to its potential

A heart that can only be heavy

A mind that can never be erased

All combined it leads to a loss

Or death of the soul

Real or just a representation of an idea

Ends hope and belief

That the possibility of a happy life exists

Need to rise above whatever brings the individual down

Terrible to watch innocents suffer unjustly

Especially the children who have no self-control

Only one way to rise above

Being able to see the miracles

 

I’m Sorry I’m Ordinary

Although it has been a good ride

In many ways

I never thought I’d be where I am

In terms of who I am

What I believe, where I live, how I spend my time

Even the way I think and the way I act

Been given so much by so many

But missed out on so much I really wanted to do

Lived a good life, got my kicks

But never really lived a miracle

Even quit trying to discover them

Perhaps wise to focus on the everyday

But to never think of miracles is sad

If the future isn’t determined

That means anyone could experience miracles

I realized I’d settled too much

Became a way of life at times

Became my way of life

A life I never really wanted

I know I have to change to make it better

Guess I’ll have to take a shot

Hope for the best

Trying to find faith for most is miraculous

 

Less Than Noble Time in Life

Stuck right here

Wondering what to do

Can’t I find the time

To do what I supposedly love most

For even 5 minutes a day?

God help me

God help us

The world seems crazy to me daily

Want what’s best in life

Help me find it Lord

What a Fool I Was, What a Fool I Am

Can’t believe I was so blind

Thought I had to be a certain way

Bought into what was right there

Played by the rules learned in schools

Praised the Lord and played ball

Discovered other ways of life, o man

What about sex, drugs, and rock n roll

School can’t teach all maybe little

The lord isn’t as simple as praise

Playing ball doesn’t solve world pain

So what do I do with what I got?

Lived between ideas of heaven and hell

Seeing so much beauty in even terror

Seeing pain in a potential paradise

Searched and searched for the answer

But I can’t do good for everyone

Time and space are limited for us

Try to love as much as possible

Put faith in what is truly important

Thank God I’m finally starting to see

JERRY’S APARTMENT

Sitting on the couch

If there’s a God

Do you think it cares

What we’re talking about?

I think if there is a god

It’s got better things to do

Queasy listening to guys in suits

Talking about how I can have God

If I give them money

Just yesterday you were arguing

With a homeless guy over a dollar

He promised a quality shoe shine

I did not get a quality service

If a respectable business did

They’d be sued

Why should he get off?

Because he’s homeless

He’s got bigger problems

I disagree

Why do restaurants charge extra

For certain items

But not others?

Like if I order a burger

And I want cheese

That’s extra

But if I load the same burger

With pickles, onions, mustard

Ketchup mayo, lettuce, tomato

No extra charge

Who ever decided that?

I don’t know

They should charge

3 cents for ketchup

Five cents for pickles

But people would riot

You wouldn’t believe what

My boyfriend Bob

Actually does for a living

He sells bumper stickers

Door to door

He’s a kangaroo importer

Discount store organ player?

All way off

But just as bizarre 

He works with Joe Epstein

Weird

 

Poetry Defined

So what exactly is this art that freaky beatniks, hipsters, and high school English teachers seem to be so hung up on?  Words on a printed page seem to be key to the whole thing, but then again appearances can be deceiving.  Just had an old tune in my head but it’s gone now.  Humor generally seems to be devoid of this intellectual activity of coffee shop wannabee Bob Dylan’s.  Those darn limeys keep coming with their insatiable riff raff comedies.  It’s just as well I suppose.  Blimey I tell you that I’m faster and better at the old methods.  And I thought this would be worth saving.  What really is worth saving these days?  The old mini-skirt from the 60’s is a little tiny now, but the state of your soul (if there really is one) is definitely of great importance.  I simply need to get faster and more accurate with my typing skills if I’m going to get anywhere in life.  Magic isn’t around, but maybe that’s because no one believes.  I get so easily tired; I wish I knew that I could exercise the demons of the past.  If only you could take things out of my head because I’m feeling out of my mind.  He tries to get to the magical mountain top but I can see he is clearly struggling just to get to the midpoint.  If only Sampras still had his killer serve he would be right back on top again.  Bad enough I have to watch myself getting old, slower, and more pathetic.  Now I’m subjected to the horror of watching the ones I thought were the best getting crushed by some guy I’ve simply never heard of.  It’s a cruel and unusual situation.  I truly can’t believe what I hear anymore, but I suppose it’s all for the better.  Hit and run the Cultural Revolution, better than a drive by machine gun ordeal according to my less than precise calculations in any event.  It may have been shortsighted the background noise was simply irresistible.  If I only think about one ordeal at a time then I’ll be able to grow as an individual.  Ultimately society will benefit from my acts of selflessness and heroism.  This is definitely not the time to be scared but I can’t resist the evils of my fellow man after all.  I’ve arrived at a point in my life where I have too much doubt and feel as if I’ve achieved nothing of significance.  Unfortunately I’m talking about both eternal and mundane plain existence.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern may be dead but I don’t think I’m so thoroughly convinced about god.  A little presumptuous that some German guy with cool facial hair and some wild ideas about superman could actually destroy the all powerful deity of the ages with the stroke of a pen.  If god is to be killed isn’t that an individual decision and not a societal one?  So sick of trying to live my life for other people.  Yet I have nothing to look forward to of my own merit.  Why all the gloomy faces?  According to everything I’ve been taught this world is only temporary anyhow.  Can’t be too sure about that last one.  Sounds a bit utopian if you know what I mean, say no more.  But seriously folks if there is a god why does he have us prancing around the place praying for a piece of ass and land to call our own?  All it seems people live for are higher status symbols than their neighbors and friends.  Degenerated lots cast their hope in the lottery, mostly becoming poorer and sicker by the moment.  If the woman wants to be wooed so badly why does she spend all her time getting ready and talking about girls they hate?  Pain in the back is quite annoying but I guess you are not able to think of anything to do either.  How can I be so fast with two fingers and so slow with all the others?  The nonsense of life is beyond belief when you think about it.  All the trash that exists why do so many condemn lower class humor?  If this was the last day on earth I doubt that anyone would want to be cleaning toilets.  Trim and proper lies are told every day by people who supposedly love you.  I wonder if it is true that people become so conditioned to their pain that it is more uncomfortable to try to change their situations.  People adapt to the mystery that is contained from within.  The bastards are coming to your home so turn your children away from their warlike ways.  Compliment all people on something.  In order to sit at this table you must have been with at least 8 women.  Unless you are fairly then you must have had to have been with 800 women.  A man with two functional limbs is better than a man who sucks with all five members.  Life is a never ending struggle and we all live and die in a cold indifferent cosmos.  On the upside we have nice wines, places to go, people to see.  Most of the life I know isn’t so bad; I just don’t like the future I see ahead.  No love, no friends, no job, no real, purpose.  On the other hand I can eat good stuff.  So I’ll party right out of bounds.  No more tears.  Society is the most random from of chaos I can possibly make up.  So in summation: Poetry is whatever inspires others to lead more fulfilling lives and to experience moments of personal joy.  Words can only say so much, but they have the ability to change the world.

Seeing Regrets at a Later Time

Can’t believe I was so blind

Thought I had to be a certain way

Just because of how and where I was

Bought into what was right there

Learned school rules

Praised the lord and played ball

Discovered other ways of life of man

What about sex, drugs, and rock n roll?

School can’t teach all

Maybe little

The lord isn’t as simple as praise

Playing ball doesn’t solve world pain

So what do I do with what I got?

Lived between ideas of heaven and hell

Seeing so much beauty in even terror

Seeing pain in a potential paradise

Searched and searched for the answer

But I can’t do good for everyone

Time and space are limited

Try to love as much as possible

Put faith in what’s truly important

Thank god

I’m finally starting to see

 

Give Little and Get Little in Return

I left everything I ever loved behind

Chasing what I thought would be better

Never found peace and often lost

Because I was selfish and not content

With all the amazing beauty around me

I focused on bullshit

Whined like all the regular Joe’s

Never even tried to live my dream

Nobody to blame but myself

Can’t give up on the universe

After all

Isn’t that all any of us has

In the end

Hope/pray for a happy ending

Honestly have to admit

Shades of doubt

Does it help if I’m fearful

And anything but admirable?

Ready to change for the better

Brief Hope

I remember when I used to believe

I’d change the world

And live forever in heaven

Riding the Train on the Way to Weirdness

Standing in the cold on a day of change

Remember some other transitions in life

Don’t think god will directly speak to me

Based on my expectations and petition

Hope the big guy has a sense of humor and forgives

Since I turned into a portion of what I could have been

Never figured out how to live a miracle

Suppose I liked staying grounded in normalcy at one level

Never even tried after realizing I didn’t know the true and real answers

Still thought I’d help out where I could

Or at least not intentionally live an intentional evil life

To realize what I have is going to be gone soon is funny

Leaves me with nothing but time and also nothing I believe I must do

Logically I should do what I really want to do and do the best I can with that

Realized many things I don’t want but have not seen

What I really want yet

Sat Around Waiting Way Too Long

Funny that again I’m in an area

Known to be of no use

To anyone other than myself

What’s the point of this endeavor? 

Discipline and commitment come to mind

 Why strive to achieve

If there’s no productive goal to be met

 Food is probably the only thing

That somehow manages to be better

Than my lofty expectations

Every time

 Rock n’ roll is still around

But isn’t the same

In the minds of those who used to rock

Or the youth of today 

Maybe because it’s about as

Spontaneous and dangerous

As a trip to Chuck E. Cheese 

Maybe it’s just looked at like

An old man’s game now

Someone will start something

 Good and new

  

I Admit That I am Not That Sweet

Spending another day getting by and not following dreams

Preparing for a future that may never come

Thinking about all the awesome potential in the universe

While doing the same old thing

Don’t want to say I never did anything or went anywhere

But I like some of the amenities of modern life

Watching as others sat fat or struggled

Laughing all the while

Trying not to waste my time

But uncertain about what the future could hold

Not just for me but the world at large

Do you need some help?           

Or do you feel forced into lameness

By others whom seem to feel trapped too?

What will come from the efforts given?

The illusions presented are what make up reality for most

Funny and sad

If everyone lives their personal lies

That’s what surfaces in reality too

How do people develop into something better than they used to be?

Love the sinner hate the sin

It’s hard not to hate those who clearly intend to do you harm

Pity is the kindest most can muster for their enemies

 Learn how to make the best of the bullshit

Now time is winding down on me

Better try to live my dream

They asked me to help and I said yes

The way it had to be I guess

Laughing at the thought of celebrity

How would I handle it?

Wonder if I’d act like an idiot, show off

Or use my gifts to improve life for other people

Pretending to be something I’m not so often

I’m beginning to forget who I am

Who I wanted to be, who I want to be

Lost in a sea of thoughts that tend to drift towards doubt

Watching others achieve success

Through mediocrity and impersonating others

When true greatness evolves it is almost undeniable

People who know little to nothing about the entertainment industry

Decide who has talent and who is great

Sold my soul not for rock n roll

More like just for a roll

Assuming people still care about what is important is hard

When you see what large crowds of people flock to

TRL live, sports arenas, drunken weekend binges

Shopping mall shit, church for those few special times of year

Never found a way to serve others and be totally happy

Never found a way to live just for myself and stay happy

Thoughts Flow Like Water in a River

Time for work and time for play.  Maybe what we do in our spare moments is what consists of the substance life was intended for.  Helping out an old friend’s wife while reflecting on the arrival of a new generation in the family tree.  Wondering what the hell I might do next while others lead grown up lives with very real problems while my biggest worry immediately seems just to be what to do with my time.  Funny how time radically alters certain relationships and how some others pick up right where you left off.  There are so many trying to make an impact and it’s a part of life that nearly everyone tries to make a mark somewhere.  There may be no real point in being here at all but at least we can enjoy experiences along the way if we try- then again trying too hard also can lead to unhappiness.  Classic case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  Classics are not the same because nobody reads anymore and movies and music fade quickly in the minds of the young.  The powerful get what they want except for time and freedom from responsibility- karma eventually finds all souls peaceful and lost- what are you expecting tough guy?  Who is to blame for all the less than perfect situations going on anyway?  God/the universe?  Us or anybody other than us?  Tough to say I’d have to be honest and state that it depends on which angle of depravity you are looking at specifically.  What do you think you want out of life?  The truth is too big to grasp, happiness is temporary and subjective, heaven may or may not exist, family and friends are nice but will always let down at times.  It’s as simple as sometimes most people are lucky enough to realize all the blessings in their lives occasionally, but most people seem to dwell on all the things they want that they don’t and probably never will have.  Stupid bastards?  Or just normal human beings wanting the world and everything in it?  Who is the voice of reason in an age when so much is bullshit, and so much could be beautiful at the same time?  Listen to that deep inner voice with all you can, or at least let loose and try to remember that life really is temporary on this planet and all should spend their time trying to do what is really important to them whether that be sitting on their ass and watching TV or be the noble illuminated ones that sincerely try to make the world a better place.

Maybe I Will Get Off My Ass Someday

You feel I have lost

 I feel I am about to burst on the scene

Like in the best of Batman movies 

The fact of the matter is

I can stand thinking

About so many things at once

But I have yet to make up my mind

About so many specific issues 

The largest issue being

One of where I spend my time

And what I place my energy into

Living Among Tragedy and Triumph

I feel that it is important to spread a message that life is worth living despite all the terrible parts of the world.  The main point is that life is worth living.  Reasons that make life worth living vary greatly depending upon individual tastes.  So many great things exist and so many terrible things do too.  It is wise to embrace what is good over what is evil so much of the time. 

I have many personal recommendations for what makes life worth living and have let them be known.  The sections of what I had on my mind are absolutely wild and I have the best of intentions.  After all I have written I still harbor serious doubts.  Even if I am wrong I am glad that I tried to do something important and did not just step back and watch TV, work some job, and spend my time doing uninteresting things.  

So much of the quality of life one is able to experience depends on the perspectives that one chooses to have.  Even the best situations in life are bound to have elements of imperfection.  The worst moments that one faces can provide some form of hope.  Be aware of the perspectives you choose and do everything possible to make choices that promote happiness.

There are so many great aspects about life and it is helpful to make positive recommendations to others seeking answers and guidance.  The parts of life that have had a positive impact on your life should be cherished at all times.  Dwelling on what is precious will always be a wise way to spend time.  Find what gives you joy and what has value.  Spend the time you have embracing what is important.

I want to convey that life is worth living even if there is so much sadness to contend with.  Nothing will make everyone happy but anything can make one happy.  Do I believe in the power of what I have written or am I just content to live a life where I never contribute anything of any real value to anyone other than me? 

I Really Can’t Believe It

Getting my work done

The best that I can

Trying to be inspired

Finishing up a weird opportunity

Looking for a new one to begin

Feeling I could do

Just about anything

Hoping to do something great

Unsure if I’ll still be a nobody

Or get to a point

Where I’ll be able to control

Major forces in the world

And influence not only

The way people think

But also influence actual actions

How people behave

The choices they make

Frustrations occur by

Letting little things get to you

 Hoping to live a better life

But not knowing what for

Laughing at all the weirdness

  

Ohio Is Simple, Everywhere Else is Fucked Up

Good to be with the fam

Funny how some things change

And some never really do 

Happy to be living good

Laying low

Eating well

 Talking about the good old days

Laughing and loving 

Have learned that the gifts

Don’t matter so much 

I barely remember what I got last year 

I remember it is always good

To see people and catch up

Stuck between an endless imagination  

That always uplifts

And a dull, dreary, pessimistic world 

We all need reference points 

Where should I be? 

Just the living room floor? 

Wherever I want to be? 

Or as usual

Somewhere in between?

 

Musings of a Confused Man

Enjoyed times but have been unable to see miracles within me most of the time for six years.  Not six years of wasted time, but not six years completely lived to the fullest.  Given up on hopes and dreams that really make life worth living and settled for the comforts and hassles of earthly pressures.  Only touched upon certain possibilities in my mind.  Did get to do and see some glorious people, places, and things in spite of it all.  Sometimes things aren’t as bad as they seem.  Maybe I’ve just gotten too material and attached.  Concerned about what could happen but trying to enjoy the present.  Not moving towards a career path because I’m not sure how to go about getting what I want.  I’ll take a shot and hope for the best.  Help me find truth and let me help others along the way.

Conflicted between potential choices even though nothing immediate appears on the horizon- feel that I could start pursuing just about anything but feel even more lost as to how to best do it and don’t want another shit job on the road to getting there.  So much is temporarily important but in the end I guess nearly all of it if not all is so small that it seems basically insignificant to me.  People do the best they can with the information and resources they have been given.  Preparing for the future is getting old, try to seize the day like I own it.  Also better apply like mad to a bunch of places just to get some job I don’t really want but have to eat and have a few of life’s comforts. 

What does the future hold?  Hard if not impossible to determine.  It is easy to determine the likelihood of events occurring based on facts, patterns, and unusual possibilities vs. probable outcomes.  There may not be enough time to do everything that we want to do.  That is why we should embrace the present and make the most of what we have now while preparing for the worst and hoping for a better day. 

I must try to be happy- it is illogical to live any other way.  Cycles of life are filled for a purpose but not one that is obvious.  Maybe the true purpose is found in constant effort met with realizations of larger goals achieved through slow, gradual, and often less than ideal conditions.  We all go but we should all try to go out on top.

What I Have Done?

Traveled a lot

Fell in love

Worked some Joe jobs

 Had some laughs

Had some rough times

 Found happiness

 Sadness

And everything in between

Trying to bring incoherent and indecisive elements

Together to create something

Beautiful and inspirational

Something with substance over style

Like a sweet oldies tune 

Why keep asking trivial questions?

The temporary nature of being will be discovered

By most eventually 

Sometimes I take silly chances

But I play the percentages

The world seems better when I dream

But dreams alone don’t accomplish in the real world

Without toil and labor

Does good music constitute complex arrangement, pleasant melodies, a significant message, high sales figures, radio airplay/mass media attention, rhythms that practically command people to dance, anything that brings joy to another, unique and brilliant pieces of artistic merit, or just what you dig?

What is a significant achievement?

Learning about God

Formal education through schooling

Learning based on own interests

Helping other people

Other species

Making the world a better place

 Saving lives, contributing to the good of others through music, books, movies, art, TV, internet, phones, looking good, dressing nice, whistling a tune, being laid back, talent, or amending the wrongs of the world?

Corruption occurs on both sides of just about any battle 

I might as well strive with my half-assed abilities towards something interesting

Life is all about people, places, and things

What am I interested in? 

Where would I like to go?

What I Want

People I’d like to meet (or re-meet)

Family, friends, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Eddie Murphy, Dave Chapelle, Seinfeld, Larry David, David Cross, Vince Vaughn, the Zucker Brothers, Jim Abrahms, Pat Proft, Mel Brooks, Kevin Smith, Weir, Coppola, Nerburn, Fletcher, Does God Believe in Atheists author, Foster and Hicks, MAD mag, The Onion staff, Matt Groening, John Swartzwelder, Sasha Cohen, Ricky Gervais, Alex Trebec, many famous athletes and musicians

Places I’d like to visit

Africa, Egypt, Nigeria, South Africa, World Cup, South America- Rio, Brazil, Peru  Caribbean, Canada w/ Ma, Czech Republic and Tuscany with Tess

Things I’d like to have

Music, books, movies, guitars, house, food, car

How do I want to spend my time? 

Relaxation vs. connecting to true change and significance towards helping others

Music

 I’ve had access to all that I’ve ever really wanted and still appreciate it but need no more

I also realize most of the great music on Earth I’ll probably never hear due to large volume of great tunes

Movies

Would like to own even more but I’ve seen most essential viewing and many that aren’t

Books

Could have many more but have more than enough

As long as I live near a library I’ll always have more than I need

Food

Tried lots, would be willing to try more but happy with what I have

Car

Don’t absolutely need one but still have one

I need to make better use of my time- a true gift

I have faith that if I try to do what is important

I’ll feel purpose and get closer to finding the truth

I have faith that I’ll find a way to make money

In a socially responsible manner

If not I’ll resort to alternatives if necessary

I have faith that I’ll continue to find places I belong

I have faith that my loved ones

Will lead happy and productive lives

I have faith that even through rough times

Things will eventually work out for me

I have faith that I’ll do significant things with my time 

I have faith that I must do what is important

To me before I check out of planet Earth

I’m lucky to be involved in the chance

To go after what I really want to do in life

More than anything else 

Accepting substitutes can’t be on certain moral issues

 The way I see it is that I can do nothing but improve

I’m so focused on that point that I find myself

Losing out on other parts of life

More than anything I need to make a bold decision

 Before it’s too late

Don’t let fears rule who I am and what I do

If money really were no object

I could do whatever I wanted in peace 

How Could Anyone Consider this a Song?

Best song ever in the universe DUH DUH!

Greatest lyrics ever written- oh my they’re so good

Only an idiot would miss its greatness

Bow down to the amazing tune (guitar rockin’ riff)

STUCK AGAIN

Sitting in the middle of yet another meeting that I care 0 about

If I don’t have the courage to begin making

My own money and decisions

I’ll have to put up with annoying, boring people

Who do very little to strive to achieve greatness

My own perception of greatness may be

Impossible to prove to others

But I shouldn’t fade quietly into the night

 I’ll never fully have the life that I want to live

Unless I can discover ways to begin practical

 Steps in the right direction

If I can’t write and perform 5 minutes of comedy

How would I ever create an entire album

Or whole act? 

If I can’t write a ten page paper

How will I get a novel?             

Lost sight of the dream

But I don’t see why I can’t live for the dream

Now and in the future

For too long I focused on my limitations

Instead of the vast potential wonders

 If temporary commitment is all I’ve made

All I can see

How can anything in my life have permanent value? 

IN MY MIND

There were times where I believed

 I was able to do all

The world was mine if I wanted it

I was the world’s greatest baseball player

With Speed, power, and grace

By having a government that worked

For the people

Not those governing the people

I was first in my class

A focused worker

Got the job done

I had fame, money, and power galore

 I rolled over the big wigs

I had women of beauty

All the luxuries I desired

Yet somehow I lost all of it

 I saw that the world

Was a messed up place

My part in it meant

So little to anyone

 I allowed smalltime authorities

With petty focus

To stomp my greatness

 I allowed the people

Who told me I had to be cool

To change me into one

Who settled for superficiality

 I saw that my family was fake

 I let my community intimidate me

By not living up to their standards

 I hated life and all my failures 

Yet I was wrong

It wasn’t their fault

It was my own

I miss the past I never really had

 Even though I had nothing in worldly vision

 I had everything

I still strive to get that back

Hope to be on a path to greater dreams

PEOPLE I ADMIRE

Real life

MY FAMILY

When I was a kid

I admired baseball players

More than anyone else

When I was a teen

 I admired hot chicks and cool guys

More than anyone else

I admired many women for their looks 

Every so once in a while

For their achievements or personality

I admired musicians, comedians, funny writers, artists, movie stars, TV stars

In high school I admired

Great holy men, writers, people who achieved in the midst of difficult situations

As an agnostic I admired

People who made efforts to achieve intellectual, scientific, artistic, and social progress

Real life friends

As a kid I admired

People who were moral, successful, and seemed to enjoy life

As a teen I admired

People who were funny, cool, and enjoyed life

As a college kid I admired

People who were moral, intelligent, and achieved social progress

As a young adult I admired

People who achieved significant scientific, intellectual, and social progress

Specific people:

Kid-I admired Chris

Teen-I admired Marc, beautiful women, and the guys who seemed to have confidence

College- I admired nearly everyone in some way or another

Adult- I admired almost nobody and instead looked at their faults

People in real life I’ve admired at different times:

I admired kids who had intellect

I admired kids who had advanced social skills 

I admired kids who had exceptional athletic ability

If I’m being honest

As a kid I never thought anyone

Was as intelligent as I was

The best socialite I personally knew

Probably was Chris

I don’t remember who had athletic ability

In L-town kid years

I still believed I was

As intelligent as anyone

The best socialite was probably Tyler

The best athlete I knew was Sean

As a teen I admired the intellect of

My brother and most of my friends

In college I admired many

For their spiritual greatness

Kurt and Les for having peace

Mont for really being willing

To give things to the poor

Consuelo for intellect

Social Web

Kevin for honesty and integrity

Famous folks

I admired many when I was a lad

Mainly heroes from the Bible

And the baseball field

Bible- Jesus, God, Moses, Noah, Abraham, Daniel, Jonah, David, Paul

Baseball-Ricky Henderson, Nolan Ryan, Roger Clemens, Tony Gwynn, Wade Boggs, Orel Hershiser

I respected the authority of adults 

I was a rule respecter

Did everything possible to obey

As a teen I admired musicians, actors, and funny writers

I still admire

Humans who speak out for social progress

Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Steve Pavlina, George Meyer

I Sat There Watching Baseball

I sat there watching baseball on my 2 inch black and white screen in 1999.  It was the first time I'd even attempted to watch baseball on the awkward, outdated, yet reliable and trusty old friend.  It was probably better to see in black and white, for it was a historic moment.  I was watching the Major League Baseball All Star Game.

It took me back to the days of my youth when all I ever wanted to do was to play baseball.  That dream died at age 13 when I convinced myself there was no way I'd ever make it.  In high school, soccer took over as my sport of choice.  

The legend Ted Williams was at the game and tipped his hat to the crowd, something he never did when he was actually playing.  I thought about calling my Grandfather on the phone to tell him about it.  But I realized it’d be over by the time I got to call him.  My Grandfather thought Ted was the greatest hitter with the smoothest swing. 

Ted got to the mound and had a chat with the 1999 All Stars.  Watching as arrogant, cocky, mighty baseball stars stood in awe of one old man was comical to me.  Yet they did, and Ted seemed to be giving them fatherly advice on how to hit.  The scene reminded me of a bunch of kids huddled around a current major league star. 

Tony Gwynn assisted Ted in throwing out the honorary first pitch.  Ted got it right over the plate to catcher Carlton Fisk and the fans were jubilant.  The event combined elements of the past, present, and future well.  After all the hype, glamour, stars of yesterday and today had their moment to shine.... the game went on.

LIFE IN A NUTSHELL

 

                                      What hope do you hold for your future? 

                                      If you could do anything what would you aim for? 

                                      What would you like more than anything else? 

                                      Is there a way to have the life that you want? 

                                      Can we accurately predict the future?

                                      As long as we live in a world where people suffer

                                      There’s a lot of work to do 

                                      It’s possible that the cures for all sicknesses

                                      May never be discovered 

                                      It’s probable that improvements can be made

                                      In several areas of medicine 

                                      All people are destined

                                      To experience physical death

                                      Possibilities for the future are nearly endless

                                      Finding what’s likely to occur

                                      Can help people live better in the present 

                                      To achieve happiness

                                      One needs to realize what their needs are 

                              If reality were completely subjective

                                      Who in their right mind would ever have

                                      An insurance job? 

                                      Nobody would 

                                      People accept jobs like that

                                      Because they need to meet

                                      Their basic survival needs 

                                      It’s hard to imagine that a person

                                       Would deliberately create a reality for themselves

                                      Where they had to struggle

                                      Instead of living with joy 

                                      If all people live for is survival

                                      They miss out on many  great aspects of life

                                      It’s wise to focus on self-improvement

                                      Living well is a continual lifelong quest

                                      How does one determine what’s most important? 

                                      Every person must meet basic survival needs 

                                      Everything else is a matter of personal tastes. 

                                      Many people have large dreams

                                      While having no actual plan to achieve their goals

                                      Settling for less is sad

                                      It’s impossible to know if one has an average life 

                                      There are too many variables to determine

                                      Exactly how an average person lives

                                      One can believe that they live in a manner

                                      Similar to most of the people that they know

                                      Or they can choose to live uniquely

                                      Some deliberately choose

                                      To meet societal expectations

                                      Going along with societal expectations

                                      Is the easiest

                                       Safest

                                       And most predictable

                                      Route to choose 

                                      There’s less initial challenge

                                      In following the local crowd

                                      Most go to school

                                      Get jobs

                                      Have families

                                      Become involved in their local environment

                                      Too many people focus too much

                                      On trivial matters

                                      Few aim for greatness

                                      But hope exists for

                                      All who strive to be something better

 

                                      DREAMS

                                      Individuals rarely see

                                      Their dreams come true

                                      Those who pursue what they want

                                      Adapt to difficulty 

                                      They take calculated risks

                                      Dreamers hope for the best

                                      It seems highly unlikely that anyone

                                      Has always gotten every single thing

                                      They ever wanted 

                                      Most dreamers have had

                                      To face failure many times

                                      Rejection and struggle are part

                                      Of growing in abilities 

                                      Completely unrealistic dreams

                                      Like finding the full truth about the universe

                                      Or becoming a pro athlete without being in shape

                                      Will almost assuredly go unfulfilled 

                                      Effort is necessary to make a dream a reality

                                      It is foolish to make no effort to achieve dreams 

                                      Happy people stay focused

                                      On what they want to achieve despite setbacks   

                                      It is nearly impossible to become

                                      All one wants instantly 

                                      Sacrifice comfort to experience greatness

BYE BARB

I lost a guru of mine

She died a few weeks ago

Her son who was my good friend told me

He’s now in Iraq

In a war

And he hates it

I bet my friend is having a hard time right now

I’d hate to think about being on the brink of death

I’d hate to take orders to kill

I’d hate to know that I could be called to die at any time

The amount that individuals are willing to sacrifice for strangers

Is amazing when reality is considered

The notion of killing people you don’t know

Based on the orders of people you don’t know

Is far too much trust for me

The people who are fighting

All find ways to cope

I can’t imagine at a personal level

The world is such a large place

And individuals come to believe that the best thing they can do is blow others up

The world is a strange place, and seems to be getting stranger

In a reality that’s often absurd and full of absurd people

Maybe most of us feel we have no choice

Other than to make absurd decisions

Write a poem and hope that it stands the test of time

POEM TO MA

Hey Ma

Thanks for everything

Sorry I’ve been an idiot

I never meant to hurt you

I know you gave a lot to help me

I want you to be happy

I hope you get to be done with work soon

I hope you get to retire in peace

And lay around doing what you love

I’ll come see you

And you can see me

We’ll have a ball

I’ll give you a call

Maybe we can have it all

Sorry if I wrote you a shitty poem

Love,

Mike

LIVE WELL WHILE YOU CAN

Pursue your passions. Take time to find the inner voice that cries out to you about how to live.  Focus on pursuing worthwhile goals.

Value is created by individuals.  Dreams remain elusive until people focus time and energy to achieve. What matters most depends on individual desires.

 Nearly infinite options exist in the world.  The amount of potential options is so great that it can seem impossible to commit to any one particular goal.  Why would anyone commit all their time and energy to just one goal?

Even though numerous potential options exist, each person is confined to being at one particular place at a time. Although many options could be pursued, people are only involved in activities taking place in their immediate surroundings.

It is wise to pursue life passionately.  Focus on one particular goal allows one to feel significant.  There is much to gain from deciding how to best live.
 
Be careful not to take too much time thinking about what to do without any involvement. Some people foolishly try to be perfect instead of being willing to make mistakes and learn.

Having faith in the goodness of the universe can be extremely difficult. How can one have faith in a world full of so much pain, misery, illness, and death?  Life may have no inherent value whatsoever. The value of parts of the universe and life are determined by the individual according to their own perspective.

How can one see beauty in the midst of tragedy?  Is there joy involved in a rape for the victim?  Can the slaughter of innocent life be looked at as a wonderful event inspired by a loving God?  Can one watch a person writhing in physical agony and believe that the world is always a great and terrific place?  Most people instinctively place their focus on what is occurring in their immediate environment.

Even when one is in the midst of a personal tragedy, there are still likely to be numerous positive happenings occurring throughout the world.  Babies are still being born to happy and loving parents.  Artists are still creating grand works of impressive qualities.  Ice cream, cotton candy, and hot fudge sundaes are still being consumed by those in a better time and place.

While most people are able to avoid physical torture at any given moment, all living people are susceptible to pain.  Coping with pain is one of the toughest parts of life. Many try to avoid pain at all costs. Each person is responsible for discovering methods to deal with pain.  Staying stuck in pain for too long is unwise if life is worth living.

 

ME

I am me, all that I’m ever going to be

I believe life is good just like a lot of Christians do

 But I don’t believe it’s good because of Jesus

I believe in logic and reason just like most atheists do

 But I don’t think it means there is definitely no God

I believe that there is value in service just like many Jews do

But I don’t think serving Yahweh or His laws are the way to serve well

I believe that one should pursue their beliefs passionately just like many Muslims

But I think following The Koran is unwise and harmful

I believe that suffering should be eliminated just like Buddhists do

But I don’t think the Buddha’s methods can do it for all

I believe that one must recognize balance in life like many Taoists

But I don’t think that Taoism is the only way to recognize balance

I believe that life is mysterious like many Hindus

But I feel that Hinduism is full of non-sense that doesn’t help people

I believe that there’s value in reaching out to others with truth like Mormons

But the idea of following Joe Smith’s golden plate truth is ridiculous

I believe that I lack a lot of knowledge just like most agnostics do

But I think doubting reaches a point of harm for those who take it too far

I believe that music can make the world a better place

But I don’t think that music alone can significantly change the world

I believe that books can bring amazing facts and fiction to light

But I don’t think books are going to automatically lead others to live better

I believe that movies and TV can have huge potential to impact thoughts

But I think that too often they’re used to appeal to advertisers and not the best interests of the people

I believe that art can reach people in unique and important ways

But I feel that most art does little to nothing to solve serious issues

I believe that science has done a great deal to improve the lives of many

But I feel that science still lacks answers and solutions to the biggest human problems

I feel that technology has made life better and easier for the masses

But I feel that technology is still unreliable and harmful at times

I believe that jobs provide many with valuable ways to contribute to others

But I think most feel confined by the demands of following orders instead of being able to directly create what they’d like to

I feel that athletics usually lead to healthier and happier lifestyles

But I think that they too often distract attention away from more important causes

I believe that relationships are vital to most to live well

But I feel they also do more to bring emotional pain than anything else

I may not belong to any group because I think I’m going to change

I can get along with most

I think most could be fine with my behavior

All I can do is try to understand

The world from my point of view

I think it’s all you can do too

So I’m trying to be happy

Just being me

After all it’s all

I’m ever going to be 

 

SERIOUS POEM

There are nearly infinite absurd choices

Anyone could make

About what do with their lives 

It’s quite possible that at best

There’s only one choice for each of us

That’s slightly less absurd

Than all other choices

Humanity is largely clueless

Fortunately our global competition

Is no better than animals

Getting a break from the world

Can be energizing

If one stays away for too long

They may find

They’re out of touch with the world

Anyone who pretends

To be better than others

Is hilarious to watch

The death of massive amounts of people

Becomes gradually more accepted

After years gone by

Joining together can serve a purpose

Or it can result

In mindless lemming like behavior

SILLY POEM

Laugh at the mistakes you make

But not while in front of a judge

Few people are undertakers

Odd considering how many people die

I want to live forever in good health

But I can only imagine

What the health coverage costs would be

Live as if you were ninety 

Take it easy

Refuse to do any manual labor

Things aren’t all bad

But optimists may be

The most delusional people on the planet

If you think the current world is absurd

Think about how life

For most of human existence lacked TV

Philosophical writers usually write

What they don’t know

Even if someone studies hard

They can still get their ass kicked

By Neanderthals

Being bright has nothing

On being brute

The greatest people of one era

May be unknown to the next generation

I hope this isn’t the case

For the Pillsbury Doughboy

Pepto Bismo does almost nothing

To help with any ailment

But everyone has a bottle anyway

The price of temporary freedom

Involves doing a lot of things

One would never do

If they were truly free

It’s hard to believe someone would force

Another person to work for them

Instead of giving them

A wage that keeps them in poverty

Money separates people into classes

Some people are able to skip classes

Half times tend to interrupt

Good sporting games

Creationism as science is as useful

As using Bazooka Joe Comics

To piece together all of human history

If we can’t make more

Scientific advancements as a species

We’ll never have the outer space fast foods

We all know we desperately want

RANDOM POEM

Stop being such a fool 

Get busy living a life of value

Quit living in isolation

Have enough courage

Join with others who are fighting

Improve the quality of their life

The actions one takes determine

Who they are and what they do

The problems of the world

Often have no obvious solution

FREE AS YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE

Only free if you got money

Then you’ll taste the honey

Man it’s funny

Suckers buying shit

They don’t even need

Whole fucking world

Lives in greed

Got no money

You ain’t shit

Bust your ass

Just to make rent

Stop being stupid

Do what counts

Life is more important

Than a bank account

But freedom is lost

When you’re broke

Still figuring out

If life’s a joke

BLAST FROM THE PAST

Sometimes we get so busy

We maintain relationships

But we are unable to grow in them

Stressful and confusing

I had a friend try suicide

Lucky it didn’t take

Many of my friends

Fail to see the point of life

Feeling unimportant

Place faith in wrong things

We may do great things

Crazy style preaching

Invading campus groups

Invading the worst on Earth

Massive demonstrations

Maybe not in number

But in quality

Maybe joining a spiritual organization

Whatever that means

Less than divine revelations

Being a messenger

While lacking a real message

  

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

Could have been worse

Than the “evil” people I know

If I’d made

One decision differently

Universe does what it wants

Regardless of what we “decide”

We’re all cavemen

Some just wear better disguises

Chatting with a Wolf

A friend of mine til the end

Laugh about how serious we were

When we were just kids

Halloween is a grand holiday

Forty minutes late is nothing

Laugh while you still can

PRIDE

Intense studying

Watch soccer

It’s a source of arrogance

Funny how we put things

On the shelf

Concentrate on things

Not worth caring about

It’s good to be busy

Bad to be over obligated

Neglecting to write

For many moons

Crawling back to destiny

Wishing for my time

Despite a lack of obligations

Many problems

People suffering

It isn’t work

If you enjoy it

They don’t pay you

And you don’t have to be there

Life is too short to be predictable

Unmarried for life

The universe will dump me

Passion is being lost

In a state of chaos

Have not received

A direct answer from God

Shouldn’t be a surprise

Rekindle family bonds

Don’t know if

I’ll live to see tomorrow

But I bet I will

The past is gone

Might as well live for the moment

RELAX

Enjoy life

Success may be waiting

Sometimes life hands odd surprises

Forgive people for petty crimes

Make amends for transgressions

Try not to be embarrassed

Awesome and refreshing

Advantages we have with friends

Just like the good old days

Laugh at ridiculous things

Especially the ones

You used to believe in

Helping others has a weird power

Like the universe cares

If we treat others well

My intentions were pure

But so misguided

At least I tried

Glad I had chances

To live well

Before I had to take off

Enjoying the moment for what it is

Trying to make the best

Out of an uncertain reality

DEEP

I’m getting older

Of course I always was

Compromising the truth of God

Because it came from some guy anyway

Culture isn’t stronger

Than love or any ideal like that

Constant pressure

To make it in this world

Rich man in many ways

But more in friends than cash

Get to eat okay

Made it this far

But still haven’t found what it’s all about

Probably never will

Perhaps it was foolish to try

But have to wonder why

Who what when where how

Life is complicated right now

Lived okay back then

Don’t miss something big

Laughing at childish prayers

Made in innocence

Imagining a better way

Before the life goes away

WHAT IS THIS NON-SENSE?

Having a sense of who one is

Being willing to practice

What’s most sensible is important

When one prioritizes

Who they are and what they want

To be more than anything else

Knowing when to take a break

Get busy feeding the lines of meaning

Make more impressive things happen

More predictable results

Be determined to reach a specific goal

Convince others that they’re imparting wisdom

The broad social order

Old hat ways are more obnoxious

The importance of life

What it may mean to various individuals

Continuing onward

For no apparent reason

Values taught may be lies

Have the courage to

Develop your own values

Vicarious thrill to realize

Someone you love is part of a legacy

Notions of brilliance to the masses

Make a difference in the suffering world

Lifting the spirits of many individuals

People who dig themselves into a hole

Not able to rise above the shadows

Add to the world what you can

But never expect to know all

Stop doing the same things over and over

Make a decision to do something

Get the kinks out

Have more courage

Learn to enjoy life

Create exceptional parts of life

Making sense of a crazy world

Out of the muck and mire that’s come before

Have enough decency to try to provide

For the people you’re supposed to care about

All seven billion of them

Right now is the best time

Regard the happenings of yesterday

Berate the ideas of bastards

Being forgettable

Is the worst decision

Incidents not accidents

If it’s a question of time

Make it be a question of relative faith

Little to nothing in the grand scheme of life

Mistakes aren’t the best strategy

Finalizing drafts of what can be done

If time was over

That’d be a negative thing

Imparting wisdom to the masses

May result in gaseous classes

Non-sense is the second best thing

After full sense

Respond to the guilty pleasures

Engage in a happening

Open to new possibilities

Feelings of intimacy

Lead to direct vision

Striving may be

For no real purpose

Too bad that so many people

Find so little

Any of us could go at any time

Getting a word from the street is neat

But never quite the beat I want it to be

Wandering without a purpose is no good

The truth is that anyone who is unable to make

Their own money is going to participate in struggle

With a great deal of regret and sadness

FODDER

Fighting who you are

Makes no sense

In the grand scheme of life

Experiment and get better

Vast choices make more sense

Taking the risks on people

Who have great desires

Stop screwing around all the time

Seems to matter more than anything

Taking chances to reach others

 Concepts being introduced

Gain greater appreciation

Granting access to live well

More impressive things being done

MUNDANE SITUATIONS

A particular way of life

May represent to others

Who have no clue

Going without certain benefits

Is a choice many made

By taking risks

No amount of money

Many suckers freedom

In the most ethical ways possible

Creating a decent way

Found with conviction

Being rejected pain

Identify with the struggling people

Working challenges is the essence

Human beings better than animals

Possible to do something good at any moment 

Offering enough to the universe

The grand schedule figures

Anything else one could be doing

High fashion recognized

Constantly feel a need

How odd

  

INFECTED WITH LIFE

Ways to live

Best if possible

Add seeds to a dream

Be a great person

Create better music

Destroy terrible ideas

Evil people run the world

Fear no one

Except germs

Greet friends with a smile

Enemies with your ugliest look

Help the children

People in debt

Water down the juice

Kilts are worn by strange men

Lights are being paid for

Mind the business

Oven mitts are worn

Pray for a better day

But nay

Expect it today

Quit while ahead

Claim the end of the race

 

NOT COOL

Tough souls are just odd

We have nothing to talk about

Violet roses are my favorite

Get them for me

Excel at everything

Youths believe they know everything

Mature adults don’t know much

Blast from the past

Corn is a bad food

Effort is often futile

Fear isn’t my favorite emotion

I’ll take it over scared shitless

Gold stars are given

Hire an attorney

Ice the cream boy

Lose your mind

Mend painful truths

To a big lie

If you have good insurance

Rest while you can

WHO?

You wanted to enjoy life

Zoo animals aren’t perfect

Ha said the joker to the Queen

Force the awkward laugh

Just to appease others

Pushing for it

Impressive achievements completed

Sincere desires resonate

Gain control of a better plan

Discover ambition

Voyages causing a storm with the winds

Luminaries of the mind

Truth is far removed

From anything

Build towards something amazing

Realm of music, science, business

Perspective of the unknown

Following funny people

Can be special

Uncovered

Wonder if it’s right

Beck and call

Stuck in a place

Writing a line of hope

BE RELIABLE

Deadlines depend

Bolder predictions come true

Finish what I have

Have high hopes

Even larger dreams

Manufactured consent

Original music is unique

Auditory creations rule

Creating a realistic plan may be madness

Hope for better things

Conditioning aspects

Focus on a great fool

Separate the best options

From everything else

Copyright infringement

Meeting needs and helping

Producing work

Meaningful approach to life

Joy being featured

 A panic attack happening

Love life

But never expect it to last

  

HATRED IS A STRONG WORD

Affordable tract housing

Creating a mission

Protect anyone and pause

Considerable reviews

I’m still not perfect

In fact

I’m not even close

I quit being the loser

Lose the attitude

Create if you can

 

MUSIC ISN’T ALWAYS GOOD

I have a song in my heart

Maybe better in my brain

It could change the world

But not if I refuse to sing

All the ideas you have

Mean nothing at all

People love words

Not crap in your head

So if you have any balls

Sing your song now

You might die soon

So get your song out now

No need to wait

You big idiot

Just sing your tune right now

The only way that it counts

Songs are great

They change the world

If people have the courage

To live well and sing

Unless they sucked all along

 

ALL OVER THE SHOP

Produced some magic

Believe that fun is over

Control the emotions

That rage within

Fake a leap of faith

Natural selection

To the non-sense

Continuing this way of life

May kill me

Brave enough to live

Dabble in the midst

Of uncertain situations

Spend your time and money 

Discount aisle of a grocery store

Tacky costumes all over the place

Fashion industry

Full of listless morons

Forgiving the sins of the past

Stop the non-sense

Embrace sense

 

JOKE STARTERS

Be a better person than me

Live the way you want to

Join a club

Adventure is for the foolish

Change is going to happen

Now is the best time to

Use this time to plot

Swearing isn’t the worst thing one could do

Being lazy is not a gift

There are certain parts of life

Fear isn’t the best way

Quit rejecting everyone

Lacking coherent structure is okay

Absence of sex does not make the heart grow fonder

It makes the member grow harder

It’s possible for professionals to fail

Amateurs can succeed 

But the odds of success are

Nearly always with professionals

I’d like to wear a t-shirt

With a long and dull diatribe

About the value of proper dental care

 

STEP OFF THE LEDGE

Embrace the changes

Have enough courage

To take part

Make a contribution to science

No more wasted time

Only superior ideas win

Figure out all you can

Have an active imagination

Fight for a better way

Build up anticipation

Go live

Write about it later

Gain a higher percentage

Grow in skills and strengths

FAILED MOVIE PLOTS

A young boy

In a small town

Finds a rock

He uses it to be thrown

Through a window

The new kid in town

Just happens to have

A different racial background

Than everyone else in town 

Chaos ensues

Ugly loser Beth

Tries to convince

Cool high school jock

To take her

To the annual fall barn dance 

Jock initially denies her

Until it turns out

Beth is actually

Rather hot

 

SEX AND TRUTH

I want more sex at work

But I work at an all male

Primary school

Not cool

If we manage to stop

Stupid people from breeding

The kids of the world will start off

As our stupidest people

By default

Polite people don’t publicly beg for sex

They send out formal invitations

I don’t understand why more kids

Aren’t more blunt about their desire

To have sex with each other

It’s pretty well known

That most teenage guys

Want to have sex with most women

Age 13-45 

Why would it come as a surprise?

 To be on the lust list

Of a horny young kid

Creating a new life is the worst

Part about sex

If all men had their sexual desires met

There’d be no more war

But also no competitive sports

Guys only do that shit

To impress sexy women

Or get more money

To have more sex

Sports are painful

People who like them are sadists

The sex life of a snail may be preferable

To the sex life of a cheetah

Being honest is hard

In a culture where everyone lies so much

The only people who are punished

Are the ones who tell the truth

Offering the best advice to the worst people

Is nearly always a waste of time

Trying to be funny often results in failure

Trying not to be funny may result in

The most boring and mundane life ever

There are ways to challenge ideas

They all start with raising a hand or a voice

Make poetry out of the bullshit

Mix up habits from time to time

 Willingly depart with dodging bullets

Fight back against

The seeming cruelty of the universe

CULTURAL CONDITIONING

Accepting the truths

Of another culture is permitted

In some parts of the world

But may result in

Beheadings in others

There are nearly an infinite amount of books

That could be written

Imagination may be

More important than reality

When creating good fiction

Filmmaking techniques enhance

There never seems to be enough time

We may be dying after all

Wishing for more time

Does not provide it

People who rarely watch movies

Rarely miss out

It’s hard to believe that millions of people

Really are into teen vampire movies

Funny people take ideas to new heights of absurdity

Most people could laugh at both

Groucho Marx and Dave Chapelle

Learn how to overcome the problem

 Of taking life too seriously

HOLIDAYS AND MADNESS

New Year’s Day?  

It has no significance

None

Martin Luther King Day is legitimate

Acknowledgment of a great civil rights leader

His stance against ECONOMIC injustice

Got him killed

Valentine’s Day is Hallmark

April Fools Day is ridiculous

Christmas and Easter are non-sense religious holidays

Make every day a holiday

Ignore the phony ones

Of our silly culture

The mere act of watching a film

Is less practically productive

Than anything other than prayer

Evolve in thought and action

Re-align before you die

Ruined reputation forever

Fearful of sex

Bound objectionable parts

Lost diplomacy to reach others

Systematic alienation

Remain calm, cool, and collected

While the world falls apart

The geniuses of one era

May prove to be fools in the next

Grand Canyon

The best male philosopher

Is less interesting

To most men than

An average looking woman

Billionaire pressure

Religion is more harmful than

Anything else you could teach your kid

The ideas that come along with schooling may be fine

They may also be mental poison that takes years

Of undoing to being to see reality

The way it could be viewed more accurately

Transactions in the half-baked universe

Selling people on a bad product

The lack of perfection is quite obvious

Clothing weeds out poor people

In a fashion conscious world

Nigeria, Brazil, the Caribbean, Spain, Australia, India, possibly Hawaii 

Don’t go anywhere a war is actively being waged

A bold adventure of our own design

Supported by evolution

Little else

FIGHT RIGHT

Wrong direction for my species

Pleasant to many individuals

The ad world is a sick place

The people who live in it know

They’re full of shit

Creative inspiration for many ideas

Created to date

Allowing room to free flow

Accidental poetry

Accidental pottery would be WOW

Selling art culture for a living

An absurd way of life

Profit with vast surprises

Primitive unknown predictability

Ushering in weekend

Or other vacation time

Relax light regret

Knowing that the world

Is going to end

Doesn’t mean that we can’t invent

Technology to delay it

Or get the hell out of here first

  

BANKING GRANDEUR

Creative details beyond superior wisdom

Excel at rules established by society

 Going to be disappointed

What we’ve created

Is much less than perfect

Deceive a foolish general public

Joking about the absurdity of the world

Doesn’t often solve any major social issues

Improving the world starts

With being a better individual

Comprehend little

Being a perfectionist has a time and place

Being a perfectionist leads to constant

 Pain in an imperfect reality

Compartmentalized institutions

The music may never stop

That’s no reason to believe

That anything we create

Will stand the test of time

I’ve rarely been willing to fight

For a better way of life

And now the bankers win

  

HONESTY

Grave danger

Birth control dismissed by billions

Due to non-sense

Arbitrary bullshit rules

Created by corrupt clergy

Change frightens many people

Any change to a comfortable status quo

But change is inevitable

Anyone who’ willing to change evolves

Instead of remaining primitive

Unless they change to something worse

Books and reading scripts

Ideas last after the guns that bury them

Thus far improvising ideologies

Has produced mixed results

At best

Comedy is possible anywhere

But most necessary in painful places

Producing a valuable masterpiece may take

A lifetime of struggle

Or throwing garbage

On to a canvas

And calling it

Modern art

SIMPLE

Pizza in Chicago

A good, clean place

The point?

Awful ways bad

End with respect

Abandon bad ideas

Free to create

Value others

Peace and harmony

Success is nice

Offering hope

If the world is a stage

Why do we bother

To go see shows

That charge admission fees?

IMMATURE SONG

Wander through the corners

Of my mind

Think back to

The pleasant memories

Like how I was

When I was a kid

Homemade apple pies

But then I think

That wasn’t good

When I think of life’s best parts

Tits!

They are wonderful

Tits!

They make me smile right now

Tits

The best part of life

They made my life worth living

Tits were always giving

I’d like to have some in my face

Right now

Fuck this song, I want tits

Right now

 

BEAT EVIL

The evils of the world are far too great

For one person to defeat

But if everyone has this attitude

Nobody will ever even try to defeat evil

Realize when you’ve made mistakes

Admit them and move on

Respect the past but respect the present

When one can live even more

Envision losing scraps

Go through the hell of making it

You may have the chance in the future

To live well despite your current pain

Don’t just write about life

Take some time to live in it

Earn temporary freedom

You might lose it

Fight to get it back again

Or die

Fight for a cause now

I tried hard to achieve understanding

Nowhere close to being able to tell others

All I’d like to know

Participating in the struggle with others

Is going to be rough

Develop skills to make life

Better for other people

Trying too hard results in

Feelings of desperation

Not trying hard enough results in death

Pick your poison

Interesting things are amuck for a buck

At the casino of luck

Live high before you die

Don’t lie, better try, or you will cry

I think I know the answer

Still feel compelled to ask the question

Faltering for even a split second

Praiseworthy

College graduates

Quit making excuses

Be pushed to the wayside by

Individuals who are more determined

Blow golden opportunities

They choose to be

At the turn of a switch

Situations are always changing

Acclaim one may live to achieve

Satisfaction in better parts of life

Falter into a position

Don’t believe you know all

Imitate the bulk of time

Starvation and misery upon the world

Waiting patiently while the world suffers

Is a messed up thing to do

Learn to live well while you still can hero

IF I WERE GOING TO DIE

I’d want to leave behind something valuable

BEFORE DEATH GOALS

GET BOOKS PUBLISHED

CREATE AN ALBUM

LIVE WELL

TRAVEL MORE

BE IN A MOVIE

DO MORE COMEDY

Make a unique contribution to science

Make a unique impact on society

Move past my fears and doubts

To live well in spite of them

Work to create

The kind of change I want

To see in the world

The sins of one man may be great

But they may unsettling

For anyone who is sensitive

QUAINT

Please let me have my way

I just want to stay

Alive so that I can live well

And dodge that nasty place

Called hell

I’ll live

Enjoy my life

I won’t cause

Stress or strife

I’ll dance

Rock the nights away

Baby I ask you

To let me stay

Come on universe

Let’s work it out

Life’s too short

To let me down

DOZE

Add decisions suicidal struggle

Option mainstream indiscretions

Unless it hurts the madness

Prepositional phase rules

The only prize most people care about

Is more cash

I know nothing more now

Than six months ago

Except for what I’ve read about

Writing alone won’t dig out of a hole 

Making writing relevant to other people could

Muckraking for a living

Must be rougher than nearly anyone can imagine

The truth is that nearly every lifestyle choice is hard

Learning to excel takes a lot of effort

Probably a lot of failure

The dependable ones create a memorable moments

Accepting fate is weak compared to creating a life

Make something grand happen while you still can

Focusing on any aspect of reality is a ridiculous choice

Life is just sad

When it comes to an end

Why do we die?

Why is it this way?

I hate that we

Are going to die

That’s why

We have to try

Living forever

Using science

We might live forever

We might never die

We might live forever

At least we better try

Move on to a better way of life

Take a chance to find it

You won’t know for sure

You have to create it

You have to make it

Whatever the dream is

No one can give it to you

It’s all on you

You have to create your own dream

If you don’t

You have no chance

To live for anything unique

Fight for what you want

Or live knowing

You’re wasting your life

Nobody should want that dream

Be better now

You never know when your time

Will be gone forever

A man does what he wants

As often as he’s willing

To do things he hates

Bees produce a lot of pollen

Rarely much sweetness

See the world if you can

Never expect to see all of it

Delight in the earthly treasures

Never believe they’ll last

Even the best people

Still laugh at others

Fear is the worst emotion

Other than death

Greet a friend as an enemy

With caution

Help anyone you can

Don’t expect to save anyone

Without extensive

Medical training

Ice jumps out at the moon

Into life now, before it ends

Kill the attitude

Embrace the servitude

Light meals are

For light people

Moan like that

If you must

Note the end of the world

Don’t write about it

If you’re the only one left

Chutes and ladders for adults

When one hits a ladder

They should get a blow job

When one hits a chute

They should be punched in the face

This would give individuals

More incentive to perform

 Instead of just reaching

The end

 CUT OFF RANT AGAINST THE MAN

Who the bad guys are in most aspects of a life issue or battle is getting tougher to do today.  Sides of human conflict seem to usually have those with evil intentions and methods at times regardless of the cause they are backing.  Although the odds of a mass murdering Girl Scout troop killing 50 people is probably not that likely it is almost a guarantee that most Girl Scout groups have little bitches who trample each other while vying for cookie sales and more badges than the next girl.  Although secular humanists tend to avoid preaching to others about the dangers of going to hell for eternity, millions of people are threatened by their message of embracing rational and progressive causes that may not agree with traditional interpretations of an ancient document called The Bible that is vague and misguided.  At no point does The Bible give any directions on how to vote in political elections in a democratic system. Commandments do not state that abortion is wrong.  The Bible does not say science that develops new technology to utilize improved living cells should be banished.  Too many accept the opinions of religious charlatans who are economically interested in developing a political agenda that has little to nothing to do with morality, The Bible, or even common sense.  What type of religious leader discourages scientific progress that increases the potential for human life and illuminates further truth?  What type of religious leader proclaims believers should never vote for a candidate that permits abortion but should instead vote for a man that encourages deadly war towards living people right now?  What type of Christian would ever take part in a war or make the decision to send others to kill?  Jesus stood by idly while he and his disciples were attacked by others even into death.  The Christians of today cry for the blood of Muslims who had little to nothing to do with any of the initial reason cited for attacking them in the first place: 9/11, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, removing Saddam from power, or providing a peaceful democracy in Iraq.  9/11 was mostly run by Saudi Arabians, terrorism can be fought against but probably will never truly be eliminated for good, weapons of mass destruction exist for certain in dangerous places that go ignored while the results of these weapons in the areas the US did attack are questionable at best, Saddam is gone and has been for some time now and the war continues, the locals have political power to the extent that the US allows and yet we still remain.  What is the hope for this war now?  For every Iraqi to hold hands together while singing Kumbaya while basking in the landscape of Wal-marts and beautiful suburban homes?  What in the hell is the US trying to do now other than control oil money and resources?  Scare Iran?  Stand up for the most powerful nation on Earth to be able to ignore world opinions and do whatever they please?  Iraq was almost assuredly hellish for most Iraqis during the reign of Hussein.  Is an invading army that won’t leave even though the old evil ruler is gone much better?  When people are killed by others from foreign lands it tends to breed mistrust and hatred of that foreign land.  The US is in for a whole lot of hate that is unnecessary, but unfortunately deserved due to unwise and harmful actions to the Iraqi people.    

SOUND FAMILIAR?

I could write about

Virtually any of the genres going on

I love the world

I hate the world

Make a statement

Make it count

The truth is you never know

Might as well try to be great

You have nothing to lose

In the end

The people you love

The people you hate

They all die

Eventually

This life is temporary

Do what you like

While you still can

Don’t want to die

But you know you will

The truth will come

If you have boldness and courage

The people who try hard to overcome

Come a lot closer than the rest

People who continue to create

People who refuse to stop

Despite the great unknown

Have lots of courage

They own the world

It’s amazing

People who work hard gain

If they care and sustain

A career that lasts

Gets past the past

The world is a great place

But not for the human race

It’s a better place for nature

It’s not going anywhere

Vain humans contain it

But vain humans won’t break it

Have the knowledge to

Go after what one loves

With a vengeance

Use what you have to make

A focused effort

To live well

Use what you have

To help others

In noble ways

 

ODE FOR KEVIN (Could definitely be read by Potts, if not me)

I am very happy to be here

Everywhere I look

Something reminds me of her

Just a bit outside

The painting was a gift Todd

You boys like Mexico?

I think the whole town knows

You had a good time Frank

I’ve seen a lot of stuff in my life

But that was awesome

Hey want to hear the most

Annoying sound in the world?

Because good is dumb

I keep getting older

They stay the same age

McLovin?  That’s a cool name

Who does number two work for?

If you don’t stop and look around once in a while

You could miss it

They were cones

Doing the bulldance, feeling the flow

They were cones

Oh yes

They were cones

SCRIPT IDEAS

Ideas that spring forth randomly

Get going to be something of value

Atheism-a funny expose

A serious expose

Borat like character who’s awesome

Because he’s so painfully oblivious to norms

Culture wars

Things are done differently

In various societies

Devil?

People still believe in the devil? 

Why?

Entertainment loonies

A few guys trying to make it

In the industry with horrible ideas

And no talent

Freedom

What does it mean to be free? 

How do people celebrate freedom?

Greetings from a distant land

A traveler embarks on adventures with locals

Hefty people and how they cope

Ice cream and its deliciousness

Jails and how to avoid

Killing time in boring places

Losers in everything

Doc about a few guys who can’t win

At anything they try

Nothing better than Naked Gun

Only for people in the tribe

Presidents

Rest Stop Madness

Sustainability

Terrible events and how to cope

Useless people and what they do

Van Halen

Re-union or bitterness?

Where have all the models gone?

Excellent drummers

Young aspiring musicians

Zero fat products

What they can do for you

Arguing for politics, religion, or fun

For an hour an a half

Believers in absurd

Unpopular ideas

Decisions and how bold people made theirs

Intelligence agencies

And the goofy things they do

Comedies

Art students who screw around

Create minimalist pieces

Curious people push boundaries

Effort given to help suffering

The difference it makes

Greatest people

What they do to relax

Intelligent animals

Really dumb people

Compete to prove

If evolution really happened

Jobs where people make money

Maintaining focus

Despite rejection

Queer culture

Still facing discrimination

Respect for different people

Trying new things every single day

Excel in something you love

Or do something you hate

Exceptional youths

Make average people look terrible

Casting directors

What they really look for

Easy living

People who have luxury

Comedy freaks

Hell and the terror

It imprints on minds

Killing people legally

Losing athletes continue to get contracts

Potential bombs for film projects

Just awful things

Questioning the reality that exists

How to live well

Tough men who are strong

But have funny, odd phobias

Young people are too conservative

Or way too ridiculously childish

Christian underground

Fucking around in C-bus

Traveling the world solo

Living in Chicago

Specific tales

Night of high school fun

Night of college fun

Night of post college fun

Night of fun in the present

 

FINISH THE MISSION

Double your pleasure with everything in life

Except testing death limits

Wire money to relatives in need

But only give them a fraction

That way you’re being charitable

But also being kind of a jerk

Babies aren’t the best talk show radio hosts

Older women feel pressure to retain their looks

Older men accept the inevitable and let themselves go

Diamonds are forever

Like Larry the Cable Guy is forever

The most recognized figure for peace

Presides over two wars and counting

Little can be done to avoid domestic problems

If one lives with mice in cheese factory

Big things happen for those who strive to create

Tiny things happen for the rest

Horns are used to injure animals

But it’s weird to see people use them for that purpose

Shoes are sold around the world

People tend to only appreciate

Ones that stay together for more than a day

Laugh at the world

But never expect the laughter to last

SACRED LIFE?

Many are motivated by greed

Take action to better serve

Their own interests

Without concern for others

Survival requires the sacrifice of other living beings 

Billions of people consider slavery morally wrong

Few believe eating carrots is morally wrong

In either case some life form suffered

To provide a better way of life

Carrots aren’t able to feel pain

Or express emotions to communicate

How they feel when they’re eaten

Slaves express their anger

 Carrots are living organic matter

Consumed by people

Who have little regard

For that type of life

How many people want infectious bacteria to live? 

Only those who like to spread

Pain and death to humans

The sanctity of life isn’t universal

Human life has worth to most people 

But even that’s often compromised

For ideals that are considered more important 

Abortion is considered acceptable

Though not fantastic

Throughout a large part of the world 

Elderly seniors going through painful complications

Approaching death are believed to be

Better off dead by many 

The lives of young soldiers are considered secondary

To political agendas in times of war

Many tend to believe criminals

Who repeatedly commit brutal crimes

Should be put to death to serve justice

What could I do that would be a really big deal?

Change the power structure of the world

Create singularity

Find the full truth of the universe

Share it with others

Create indefinite life for all living beings

Have their survival needs automatically met

Bring freedom to all who exist

Create an artistic masterpiece 

Provide inspiration and brilliance      

Find God and develop a way

To make it accessible to all people

Explore the regions of all reality

Continue to dream

Initiate significant action

To do what seems best

EXISTENCE IS BRIEF

Tiny snowflakes eventually fade away

The mountain may exist for millions of years

But forces of nature eventually wither it away too

The cycles of the universe relegate all objects

To a non-permanent status

Kindness breeds temporary happiness

Aim to experience joy  

REALIZATIONS

I tried to understand 

But life is much bigger

Than one man 

I wanted to know all 

But I learned I was small 

I wanted to be great 

But it may not be my fate 

I wanted to live well 

But I went through hell 

I wanted to do right 

But I lost the fight 

I admit that I’m weak 

I believe we’re all freaked 

There’s no way

To know for sure 

But we must look

For something pure

MAKE SOMETHING GREAT

I realize that no matter what

I’m going to change

I can’t use excuses

That I don’t have enough BLANK

To start living well

What are the best parts of life?

Eating fresh, healthy food

Fresh bread, pizza, pasta, rice, chocolate

Potatoes, nachos, cheese, ice cream, cheesecake

Even more specific

Israeli bagels Uno’s Pizza, Lou Malnati’s,

Lincoln Square pasta, Algerian Spicy rice from Firdous Express

Hershey’s chocolate, Frites in Belgium, nachos by Tessa, lots of cheese

My favorite comedians

The writers of The Simpons, Bill Hicks, and 3033

I recommend sex 

Truths are often overlooked

By people who have good intentions

But are unable to see truth

Due to being deceived

By powerful con artists 

The con artists in finance, religion, military

Law enforcement and government bother me 

People who see through their lies are rare

UNSURE?

Is it possible that I want to be uncertain? 

No, I don’t think so 

What would be the benefit?

I should at least be brave enough

To proclaim what I believe is true

If I can’t do that

I’m probably wasting my time

I have a lot of dreams

But few people want to buy those

Me is a part of we

But a small part of yall

I was searching for the meaning of life

But I soon realized I’d die

Before I had enough time

To even begin looking

At all the evidence

FREEDOM TO THINK

I can write anything

Even a bad bit

It doesn’t matter

Like everything in life

Too bad we’ll have to go

Might as well enjoy

The stroll through the park

Life adds value

Life adds life

Life takes value

Life takes pain

Open your eyes

To the rain

Unless you want dry eyes

Then keep it locked away

The truth comes bursting

When you’re away

Plight is over

Good times are here

No more fear

Drink a beer

Learn how to chill

You know you will

Life is just great

Don’t overrate

The joys of leisure

They are pleasure

Aim quite high

Never die

Live and try

Pry and fly

Do what’s best

Leave the rest

Open minds

Treasure finds

Loosen up

Drink your cup

Do it now

Do somehow

Hitting strokes

Having smokes

Possess grand parts

Patronize arts

Star and wow

Final bow

ENDINGS DON’T HAVE TO BE SAD

It’s time to go

It might be a shame

But it shouldn’t be agonizing

That’s the game

Of life until we evolve

Death is such a tragedy

We can learn to beat it

Not with some silly religious fable

But with a periodic table

Science is the answer

If we’ll live better

Hope we push forward

Before I die today

EXPERIMENTAL POEMS

2010

Trying to be a better man 

Lack of perfection still bothers

Numerous ways of examining the universe

Measuring success

Creating ideas with genuine hope 

Take the risks required

Transpirations of inspirations

Perspirations that lead to revelations

Of our tribulations

Creating a high level of market demand

Depends on fulfilling the emotional needs

Of less than rational folks

Not always seeking objectively truth 

Meeting unique challenges

Making a way of life

Considerably stronger

A world full of pain, problems, illnesses

Failure and eventual death

Human progress is astounding

But billions of people haven’t evolved enough

To treat their fellow humans

With a basic level of decency

The terrible part of life

No matter what one does

They’re almost certainly destined

To face pain and death

TRUTH

The truth is

Reality is changing and challenging

Facts are different than beliefs 

Get used to doing painful things

Billy Graham and John Lennon

Different ways of viewing reality

Both serve as role models for billions

Across the world

Challenging ideas

Reading about what matters most

Devote life to making a living

Striving to be the best

Travel the mysterious universe

NEW VIEW

Aspire to be something better

Never evolve for evil

The tired and poor

Huddling in useless masses 

Into their watery graves

Make a world a better place

If not this one

At least a fictional one that could be

No matter how good we get

We’re never good enough to last

The nineties had some fun moments

Time keeps moving

Gambling on a bunch of projects

That make little to no sense

Fears are often unfounded

The top minds of any era

Make life better for at least a few

Limited time gets all of us

We barely leave a trace

In the grand scheme

Don’t waste time

It’s the only thing left

FEW WRITE ABOUT

Plant life in New Zealand

Clothing styles in Nigeria

700 Bridal makeup tips

How to win beads outside of Mardi Gras

Anything in Greek

Protagonist impersonators

Hardships and heartaches of trashy talk show hosts

Disgraceful they say

Mafia poetry

GETTING GOOD

Figuring out how to rise to the top

Of an absurd chain of power

Not easily done by many folks

Invest time and money into

Enhancing the quality of life for self

Know what you want

The truth is often hard to come by

Blasphemous time in life

Demon who runs amuck

Emotional resonance

A unique cultural landscape

BLESSED FOOLS

In submission to the people

Registering a complaint with the masses

Second hand information

Self-conscious about

Patches of polished desires

Independent souls challenge notions

Arrogant enough to seize their destiny

Develop philosophies

Of a fallen generation

Aggression of life

 Astonishing facts being exposed

Establishment that oppresses

Hardly dignified

Silenced to avoid upsetting the herd

Consumption may lead to endless peril

Seemingly the least preposterous idea

Intense options

Bravery and courage to build skills

Firing up the imagination to live well

Approach a sea of problems

Elegant element of luck

Anger and pettiness of youth

Just how fucked most people have been

Throughout human history compared

To today

GO TIGER

Opening the mind

Foundation of life

Deepen the bonds

A bright future

In an impressive fashion

Getting over the wounds of death

Inspiration may strike

Be obsessed with making the world better

Hopes and disappointments

A starring role with the part of life

Completely clueless about how to live

Anyone can go at any time. 

Right types of activities are taking place

Testing positively for more amounts of hypocrisies

Quit talking yourself out of hope

Make it all worthwhile

Using the time of life wisely

Blocks cause problems

Advancing the species

Nearly infinite possibilities intended

Mysterious notions that come

In the middle of a time of chaos

Never use the passive voice

When one could use the active

Don’t missed your chance

To live well

TWISTED WORLD

Challenge the notions

What has come before

Another failed pursuit means

 I could always write another song

I could always write another book

I could always write another movie

I could always write more comedy

I could always learn more about sex and have more.

Sometimes I’m silly

Western Civilization

Engaging in better amounts of dialogue

Sense of humor

A thinner budget

Use talents to recommend a better way

Forgiving the sins of a former era

Meaninglessness being realized

 The middle of a harsh reality

Most exquisite point of view

Creating something out of the ashes

Write out the wedding gig

Edit the hell out of the other parts of life

Handcrafted and noble

 A cultural icon to be reached by a fax machine

The permanence of nothing often bothers me

A more realistic view 

Conceding defeat to bargain basement dumps

JOY

Mercy and wayside

Problematic teachings are over

Be a better person

Symbolic parts

Serves as a prototype for the world

Trying times aren’t ahead of us or behind us 

They’re here and never left, and will never cease to be

Show much love for the beauty

Move forward

Every other wannabe revolutionary

Is aiming to gun down

It’s odd to realize

One isn’t old

But old enough to know better

Stellar leads pretending to care

Protecting yourself and loved ones

Conscious choice made

Money isn’t everything

But it keeps individuals from being

Automatically miserable

STRUGGLING

Overcome challenges with creativity

Beach Boys made some of the most pleasant

Music of all-time

Pretending to be a master is possible

I’m glad I never became a doctor

I’d hate to be responsible for someone’s death

A petty place of fear and suffering

Instead of abundance and joy

Being given permission to fail

First step taken towards becoming great

Making up for lost time

Build something noble

Transitioning into a new view of reality

OH!

Hopeful flattering

Mediocre folks of the world

Guaranteed to lose 

Standards of capacity

Figuring out a way to do it on someone else’s dime

If there’s anyone willing to fight for justice

Start with the buffet line buddy!

IDIOT!

Stop being so soft

The pathetic excuse of begging

I’ll take my lady out with me too

Until humans show fictional concepts

Spending time advancing the career

Has nothing on Twinkies!

Causes may be believed in

But a lot of people have false beliefs

The hopeless and happy

WEIRDO

Open a door and watch

A new room magically appears

Refuse to be a greeter in hell

If you can

Aim to do even better than

The legends of your era

In auto sales

Light my heart afire

With the love of trivia

Harvard graduates aren’t better than me

Except for in every stat people care about

Sophistication isn’t the only way

To charm a countess

But it always helps

Silly people aren’t always as respected

Options are limited

Until you’re willing to work

Memories are just a lie

We tell ourselves to get by

Heroes might be the people who save lives

Or the folks who make great dick jokes

The manager specializes in something

Better than fast food

But chooses to work in fast food

The trouble with life

Some asshole is always trying to make

More money than you

Using time wisely is far too hard

Continue playing video games

Share with others if they share with you for more money

Take more chances to achieve success

In donkey retailing

Live well while you deal with

Illness, depression, and death

TIME IS MOVING

A gradual embracing

Equate to being something better

Than being a loser

Non-sense exists

Rock like a star

Vital dollars on the convictions

Deciphering the focus and discipline

Additional pressures one may face

Perfecting a craft

Consequences will be beyond your wildest dreams

 Automatically shattered

Uncommitted and afraid

More impressive things done

Final draft of life

Making moves

Filter through a large amount of business

Passion and pleasure intended as lunacy

Fixated on a difference of opinion

Zany characters

Work that must be put into

Designing a happy bit

Requires doing a lot of things

To make a lot people rather unhappy

Rising to the top of any game may mean

Being the best in the world at a given pursuit

Or beating a toddler at Candyland

Tear up the worst parts of novels

Rebuild bravery and skill

Global elite

Prospective amazing results

Small nuggets of the winner’s mindset

Constantly questioning the authorities

Prepared to lose

Fictionalized versions of truth

Beasts of leisure

Magic of song and dance

Placated public

Being a fool

Better than rubbish

Turn a phrase on its ear

Simple solution

Fabricate a way

The classless citizens of a former pupil

Time is the most important part

Have a sense of outrage

Satiate the meaning of plants

What am I really going to do?

MOVE ON

Ambitions bidding rights

Incorporated into a needless mind

Stop being such a putz

Adversarial advertising world

Equate to a larger function

Being above criticism isn’t possible

Designed by someone who’s listening

Plans and happenings

Narrative structure achieves clarity 

People shouldn’t have pets 

Who wants to feed another mouth for no good reason?

It may be

The only thing in the universe that’s wrong

Is me

NEVER AGAIN

Revolts that take place in the minds

Dismissive personalities headline the main stage

Theatrical company hoping to grow

Have a sense of fair play

Phylum class species

Wild punk band

Sandwiched edge of comedy

Fix a better world

Or at least a better dinner

The people who try to make sense always fail

Join the rest of the damned

Give up

Try to eat good snacks

Don’t envy the people at the top 

Revolt and take their stuff

Stealing is only allowed

If you control the guns

Orchestrate the groove

Cooking up a diabolic dream

Set the print against the grain

Tolerate no amount of preposterous ideas

Tire of notions of sugar plums and fries

SHAMEFUL

Commanding the attention

Making errors and mistakes

The nitty gritty of the grind

Far too good to be truthful

Out of the hole I dug for myself

Mix up habits

Fit into a massive puzzle

There’s nearly endless humor

Trapping the Buddhist monks

Tide of changing situations

Lead to a more impressive bill of goods

Vast media machine

Less culturally significant than anything else

Result in some disappointing items

Thousands of people die every day 

Paraded around for nothing

Science and technological singularity

Don’t wait

Have a sense of urgency and fire

Symptoms of courageous tales

Lead story meant to be arranged

Hopefully there will be something profound

Lucky ladies of the manner

Crafting and honing has a place

Trials and tribulations of the lost without justifications

Killing the stereo

We may soon be homeless

Mentioned in the same breath as

Superglue, the wonderful adhesive

In the minds of many

Lightning strikes as many times as it damn well pleases

Kilt weather is fine weather for loony Scots

Felt is a fine fabric for lives

Hit the best bars in the world

Start in exotic Dayton, Ohio

Model train enthusiasts

There are better modes of transportation now

Freight trains haul old timey slogans

Go away now

Did it all begin with a God who evolved?

ALMOST LAST CALL

Live out loud or shut the fuck up

Create a noble legend

 Treat time as a friend             

Getting paid as an artist is rarely easy

I can feel another hammy performance

Create a surprising uprising

The quality of a song is determined by the listener

Popular concepts aren’t always right

Skulls and rhythms that lead others to their watery graves

Higher level palaces

POLITICAL BELIEFS

Freedom is more important than serving

The whims of the evil rulers of this world

HONEST SELF-ASSESSMENT

At best I could contribute

A masterful work that could inspire

Generations to come 

At worst I could lose everything

I could suffer through pain

And depression until death

When I was happiest I was doing the best I could

I thought I was heading to a positive future

GOALS

Earn enough to thrive economically

Mentally, and physically

Made 30 grand a year

If I die today I’ll only be remembered by a few

 If I die today, the only legacy I leave behind

A bunch of unpublished writings

And the few friends I’ve made

 But when I think of how “great” people are acknowledged

In the grand scheme of life

It’s still just a footnote in a giant world 

After all

I made some things that were valuable

MARCH TO DEATH

Before I die it’d be great to:

Score a world cup goal

Reach the top of the billboard charts

Be in a major motion picture of quality

Reach people in an important way with truth

Produce beautiful art

Be in a moment of stage beauty

See the funniest person in the world

Fuck a lot

Have peace of mind

Deal with personal problems and live well every possible moment

Create trouble with those who deserve it and come out alive and well

Do what seems best in life

Eat incredible tasting food

Create methods that would allow all living beings to live indefinitely in peace

Pursue greater knowledge and wisdom

Make peace with physical and mental limitations

Fight for what seems most important in life

Spend quality time with loved ones

Make new friends and seek out better ways of living

Spend every moment in as much peace as possible

Be what you want to be more than anything else

Take the chances to get better at doing what matters most

Think about what matters most and do everything possible to make it a reality

Have the bravery and courage to do what matters most

Be grateful for the people that have meant the most to you

Own up to mistakes, apologize when necessary

Agree to be a person who travels in mindset and location

Be connected to those who get amazing things done in the world

Attempt to reach people with messages of truth and messages of hope

Have noble integrity

Quit being afraid

Embrace each moment

NO NEED FOR WORDS

Look in a library 

Is there any need for more words?

Need? 

No 

Is it what you must do? 

For some

The answer

Is still somehow yes

SAD WORLD

Self-righteous unhealthy competition

Unrealistic high hopes

Feelings of failure

Not meeting desired standards

Isolation from former family

Loads of work done

Only to face disappointment

QUOTES FROM A FRIEND

Pain is bad 

Extreme pain is extremely bad 

But painless victory is the ultimate

RIDICULOUS NON-SENSE

Silly resolutions belittle minds

Frightened with a vengeance

Thought for a long time

No idea how to live well

Mainstream society may be a bad idea

The mind is flowing

Stuck here knowing

Not all that it could or should be

Even if you’re right

About everything

No one will care

Unless you convince them

It isn’t always a good idea

To do what you’re told 

But it’s not always

A bad idea either

Don’t die before you release

The music inside 

It’d be a shame

EVERYDAY LIVING

Paying bills

Not sure how the world would work

If everyone was full of love

All of the time

It’s so foreign to the reality

We’ve seen for life

Unpredictable situation

Although probably a pleasant one

NO MORE

Healthier decision

Random tragedy and loss

Blending peacefully with all

Forms of life sound good

But isn’t practical

Being as peaceful is fantastic

Resources are scarce

There’s competition

Animals compete with humans

Humans compete with humans

Nations compete with other nations

Humans compete with others within their nation

LIVE VIVIDLY

Create original humor

Cookbook fantasy

Anything produced could be made fun of

Or could touch others in relevant ways

The acceptance of ideas

Doesn’t mean one endorses them

Red eyed flights

Stop basing happiness on

Figuring out life

Get busy living

It’s irrational to hope

For a better way of life

Without striving to achieve one

The difference between

Living a dream

And a nightmare

Is enough to count

Options are nearly endless

But realistic ones might seem

To all be troubling

Nobody needs to suffer

Everyone seems to at times

People who change the world

Are responsible for

Cupcakes and wars

Live freely, die fighting

USING MISTAKES TO HEAL

Born Michael

I didn’t pick it

Made so little

Made me ashamed

SAT Scores

Semi-respectable

Made the grade

City Mission

Brought on doubts

Tax man ridiculous

So am I

Did some weddings

Out of time

Awful play

At least I tried

Steal from my own family

Committed to truth

Harry shopped with Dwight

Beyond a shadow of doubt

Communicate meaningful words

Acts 4:12 makes me question

Just like the whole book

Complex struggles

Within my moral boundaries

Conscientious devotion

Definitely an idealist

Needs a baseball squadron

Sweetest place in town

Warped interpretation

Of subversives

Evil of greed

One last time

 

The meaning of Jesus

 

Cultural repression

 

Battle of philosophical titans

 

Casual conversation

 

Dangerous radical

 

8 grand around the world

 

Be humble and confident

 

At the same time

 

Jerry was funny

 

Bad jokes

 

Headline news

 

Bullshit too often defeats truth

 

Shot into the lower right corner

 

Real conspiracy theories

 

Five principles

 

Hiding emotion after the sorted incident

 

Odds and gods

 

Pick up a girl

 

Aftermath story happened

 

What was the point of it all?

 

Don’t know

 

Can laugh at it though

 

Start over

Moving on to a brand new day Might be scary But could be a lot better Never did get it But had some good times Worried too much But I tried to overcome Stop being so fearful Get much better Use what counts To be something important Noble ideas make sense Even if we never figure out What matters more than anything else

BUILDING SOMETHING GRAND

Pressuring times

Subliminal meaning

Endure the hardships

Flawed models

Kite flying operation

A disembodied mind

Cosmos heartaches

Absolutely no foundation

Gamble on the games of life

Critical examination

Faulty statistic

Virtue may not be rewarded

Sensationalize trivial pursuits

Support original movements

Circular argument

A book about the Beach Boys

Intrinsically valuable

Too many leave too little

Before they go

Worrying excessively

REJECTED COMEDY BOOK TITLES

Wow, What a Nerd

Will They Think This is Funny?

Laugh at the universe

Laugh at Reality

So You Think You Want a Comedy Book?

Devilish comedy

Soapbox Loony

Fight the Power through Jokes

Warped Perspectives

Life Achievement of Pathetic Man

Give 2% of the People What They Kind of Want

Icing on the Cake

HOPE WITH

Music- Auditory compositions created by humans can be amazing to listen to

Books- Words created by humans can open up the mind to new ideas and pleasant realizations

Movies- Films created by humans can inspire and delight

Comedy- Humor created by humans can provide joy

Sex- The euphoria that comes from erotic touching is marvelous

Art- Objects of beauty are incredible to see

Science- Rational methods of discovery and innovation make humanity better

Finance- Despite flaws in our economic systems, it’s nice to have abundant amounts of money

Food- Consumables that taste good are a great sensation to experience

Clothing- Fabrics that protect from natural elements help people

Shelter- Humans create safe places to live

Sports- Physical competitions created by humans are fun to play and observe

Games- Leisurely activities designed by humans provide enjoyable challenges

Travel- Journeys taken to unfamiliar places are enlightening

GROWL LOUD NOW

Demon haunted spirits

Pause for a dramatic re-enactment

Originality combined with being clever

Be exceptional or be left out to dry

With the masses of humanity who die forgotten

Doing the same garbage

Over and over again

Proclaim valid truth to the world

Pitching a sketch show

Be admirable to fans

Piss off enemies

Don’t settle for being mediocre 

Have the courage to create

Nothing led to permanent utopia

Be determined to determine your future

There’s no way to preserve peace of mind forever

So aim to do it for a while

The patience of a saint

Numerous ways to make a living

We live in a culture where dogs

 Have nicer houses than millions of people

Privileged kids have no idea

How good they have it until they get older

And have to get crappy jobs

To support the lifestyle they’re used to

TV channels are into the thousands

Few programs worth watching

Being entertained isn’t always good

Work hard so that one day you can laugh

At the people who continue to do so

If there’s a perfect place

I’d hate to go there a

And have to come back here

We live in imperfection

But still have the audacity

To demand it out of others

The history of literature

Anything is better than nothing

When it comes to life

Gold transported by pirates

Interest accrues

Love all people

Who let you

Money corrupts selfish people

Like all of us

Nothing is better than living forever

In youth, health, and wealth

In a hot tub

End the hate

Unless it’s justified

Adventures that go awry

Should be called adventurds

Air of snobbishness

Bummer events

Significant option

Life can be good

American White Bread

One never quite has friends

Like they do

When they’re young

The first group of great friends

I made in high school

Rag tag bunch of funny freshmen

Happened to play soccer together

Found myself surrounded by older giants

Looked like they could eat me for breakfast 

Sat quietly

Waiting for some other freshmen

Lucky to have kids my size on the pitch 

What seemed like a mere fall hobby

Lead to forming who we were

Funny what sticks out clearly

As vividly as past days

But some details are completely sketchy

After ten years gone by

Power of Ma

My Ma was born in the cold war era of the 1950’s.  She lived in a small town a bit east of Columbus called Pataskala.  From what I can gather everyone in town pretty much knew everyone else.  The men worked, drank, smoked, and were hard asses who acted like Ward Cleaver in mixed company but more like crude simpletons together.  The women mostly looked like characters from The Far Side, but I’m sure that a generation that had a “baby boom” had a lot of fucking going on.  In a time following great wars and a depression people were ready to live for simple good old fashioned American values again.

Apparently my Ma was the shy and quiet daughter of the family.  It sounds as if Ma didn’t find her niche until her college days at Ohio State University in the early 70’s.

NEW SPORT

Random Ball!

Dribble soccer ball through cones

Kick soccer ball into designated spots on a goal

Use tennis racket to hit a serve into a box

Throw a baseball into a designated spot

Hit hockey puck into designated area

Sink putt into a hole

Knock down all pins

Hit three point shot

Hit foul shot

Make a layup

Jump on trampoline to hit boxing bag

Jump on trampoline to kick boxing back

Run to finish line

Lacking the Truest Desires

Wanted to see the face of God

But never saw it anywhere

Except maybe in my mind

Thought I’d have to change the world

But the world changed me

Without even trying

Thought I had answers once

That faded fast until

All I felt was questions

In a vast complex universe

Saw nearly infinite possibilities

But didn’t know what to do with my time or efforts

Saw amazing beauty often

Had good times as well

Found and lost love

More times than I can count

Been to places most never did

Realized how small I am

In the grand scheme of life

History and the universe

What is the point of it all?

I still don’t know

Trying to enjoy life

All I can hope for is

The best of everything ever

Want some things to be different

Have to accept if they’re not

Know I’ve been blessed

Been given many gifts

Don’t know if others care

Lofty dreams and petty actions

Plagued with my own fears

Nobody to blame but myself

Feel I can rise above

If I sincerely find my beliefs

What makes life worth living?

NEW “CARNIVAL” GAME

“Wild Seven”

7 card draw

Same hand values as poker

(No five of a kind)

Betting

1 regular draw

Betting

1 more draw

Player can surrender

As many cards as they want

While trying to get

Best hand of five

Final bets

Once final bets are made

One more card is flipped

This becomes a wild card if in hand

IMAGES OF FLOATING

Redesign

Destiny

Perform duties

Fitting roles

Stay up player

Concrete

Cheapest prices

EFFORT IS FUNNY

Appreciate the life you have

Make it the one you want

You can go anywhere

The benefits of time

Earth

Imminent

The trouble with life

I never know what’s going to happen next

Stop being a fool

Troublesome

Challenge notions

Talents can be used

Take on fellow travelers

Middle-class laborer 

In the long-run

It isn’t smart

Improved conditions

An impressive run

Abortion

Steady improvements

It’s quite cold in the winter

In Chicago 

So cold that any

Truly evolved beings

Would get the fuck out

Coherent structures

Plague anyone

Move on

In a capitalist society

Who you are is what you earn

The noble efforts of a madman

It is cold hearted

To leave people to suffer

Even if you devote your entire life

To alleviating suffering

You have to know

Everyone is still going to suffer

Sometimes

Help lessen the burden

There’s no obvious reason

To stay alive

But billions of people

Seem to be fine with accepting

Subjective ones

Play the part of yourself

I like to challenge others

Don’t like to be challenged

How ironic

Toasts to individuals

Busy expressing relevant ideas

Numerous options of life

Rules enslave many members of humanity

Live well now

ODD STARTS

Beginnings are strange 

Stephen King, Jeffery Dahmer, Michael Jordan

All played little league

Hitler wanted to go to art school

He failed 

100 years ago

Las Vegas barely had human life

 Mad magazine was a bizarre comic book

 It sold for pennies

 Al Capone probably got his ass kicked

Numerous times 

Joseph Stalin was in seminary school 

Jesus was just a carpenter

Most famous musicians start poor 

Famous musicians who got their start

In Ohio:

Nine Inch Nails, Devo, The O’ Jays, Bone Thugs N’ Harmony

Fun to think of how

Certain leisure activities

Were invented 

Bobsledding, sex, and pool

Some good ones to ponder 

NO WAY

Act, believe, and think

Face different situations

Technological advances

Creative works

Objects of beauty

Increase quality of life

Still all destined

To face physical death

Millions starve

Suffering seen virtually anywhere

Brutal murders

Wars waged

Ugliness still exists 

Hard to solve

Serious problems

GET BUSY

Emotional connection

Half-assed collection

Relevance benefit

Personal intrigue

Outside observers 

Basic sensory abilities

Martial arts tournament

Initial setbacks

Excellence

ADMIT LIFE IS BIZARRE

Don’t want to starve

 Want a good life 

Funny bits

Wacky folks 

The unique feeling

Arising in a groggy state

After a period of sleep

Go to the bathroom

Or to try to go back to sleep

Some people actually brag

About their morning routine

 Morning breakfast

Pride in appearance

Excessive pride in appearance

Just plain stupidity

If you spend more

Than one hour a day

Getting ready

You’d better look

Like something

In a science fiction movie 

Most people go a bit crazy

If they don’t have a job

Most people go a bit crazy

If they have a job

 Grown up corporate guys compete

For a bigger cubicle, window, garage, house, or bank account 

Many work just as hard

If not harder

Away from their actual job 

Between raising children, paying bills, maintaining a home

Doing laundry, contributing to causes, going back to school

Helping friends, assisting strangers, dealing with taxes

Making meals, meeting family obligations, trying to grow

No wonder that most people want

Little more than sleep

Sit passively watching a box

Where others finally

Do all the labor 

ULTIMATE TRIAL

Risk taking is needed

To live

But can kill you

TIME CAN HELP YOU

Watch ten years go by

Look at all you’ve accomplished

Or not

You managed to stay alive

 Never became rich and famous

Never lost the weight

Never solved world hunger

Sickness or wars 

But you probably saw some good things

Even if they were mostly on TV 

JAZZY NIGHT

Going out

Fun

Not what it used to be

Authentic 30’s tunes 

Smooth, rich, hilarious

Crowded, smoky, full of tourist types 

Bebop into blue

Dig the rhythms

Glad I went

BORED ROOM

Wrap your minds around

People living like this

Corporate structures

Professionalism conveyed

Consistent earnings

Insane in the monkey hut

Winston Smith in Room 101

Edgy and funny

Righteously disguised

Evil fuckers

HOPE DESPITE PAIN

Laughing at life

As much as possible

Receive what you can

Wild times have gone

No reason they can’t return

Human perspectives

Whispers from the distance

We can do much better

Been greatly inspired

By the work of people

Who were dead

Before I was alive

I can build

Out of the ashes

I WAS WRONG

I gave into fear excessively 

This didn’t take a genius to see 

In fact, it would’ve taken an idiot not to see

It turns out the only idiot was me

OFFER MORE RESOURCES

We must

ALLOW PEOPLE

TO MAKE UP

THEIR OWN MINDS

Bemoaning the awful events of life

The realistic plans of a wanderer

I never knew what to believe in

More than anything else

Meaningful pursuits

In impressive ways

WRITE TO OTHERS

Write to the people

I’ve known in the past

Write to the people

I know now

Write to the people

I’d like to know

Write to the world

READING?

I could keep reading books for the rest of my life and never reach any definite conclusions.  I love to read.  All people should have the privilege of being able to read lots of books about lots of things.

 But reading isn’t the same things as living

GETTING THINGS STRAIGHT

Quit the cognitive dissonance

Sometimes I feel a need

To escape into the sea 

I know I may die there 

I may not care

If things pass

I’ll walk away

I can laugh

I can say

No more worries

Times have passed 

I know I won’t last 

The terrible thing is

Life’s too short

For the confused sort

DESTINED TO LOSE

Even after all the effort

And all the time gone by

I still don’t know

The meaning of life

Settling the dust passed

Record a better version of life

There’s little to no difference

Between winning at life

Or winning at a specific endeavor

Patterson or Hershey, PA

What do we have to lose? 

We’re going to lose all we have

In the end no matter what

BANKRUPT HUMANISM

Progress?

More wealth for corporations 

Money spent maintaining and operating

Violent killing activities

Help people in need?

Personal efforts may seem small

With global issues

Hope for humanity

We can improve

Or die off

LAUGH AWAY PAIN

Addition is the tricky cousin

Of subtraction

I can’t swallow the facts

About gum

Temporary situations have to be

The best ones we have

By default

Change who you are

Or you’ll never be anything

But a whiny baby

Guilt is the companion

Of most religious indoctrination

If everything is pointless

It’s still just as nice

To avoid pain 

BRIEF CHUCKLES

High school prepares youths

To complete mindless tasks

For no obvious reason

For the rest of their lives

High school gives kids the chance

To practice doing what they want as adults

Which often appears to be

Getting drunk and laid

Looking to others for answers

About my own life wasn’t wise

But at least I can say

I learned a few billion things

That didn’t work

I don’t want to die

But living past the age of 130

Might lead to me wishing for death

FINAL IN THE MIDDLE

No time like the present

Bullshit may become blessed

Stop living in a fantasy world

Quit delaying and

Maybe I’ll be killed

For angering the wrong people

LOGICAL CONSTRUCTS?

Status quo laughing

Community and Modern Family 

Twisted unconventionally

Inner circles

Now mention me or go to hell! 

Press is laughable and gets me fired up

Death of Ricky

Shooting scripts and laughs

Wonder and merriment

Flip of a switch

Poetry made by committee

Sounds like an awful idea 

I only wanted to be free

To control my destiny 

Nobody can build everything

Non-sense only for a while

BE BOLD BABY

Work hard?

Ways are weird

“Brilliant” thoughts I hoped would last

Never had a chance at all

Disguises we wear

I hardly believe half

What I hear from the peanut gallery

Complete missions of life

Any mistakes come back to haunt

As we join together

Many fight for no good reason

Despite all of the suffering

They have to go through

Be sweet in present tense

Bankrupt but

Considered inspirational

Top of the world

Relevant and wonderful

FAILED SONG WRITING EFFORT 

We can boogie

 

Write on man

 

I don’t like the look on his face

 

You want to screw that newscaster?

 

Hardcore Thrash Yoga music

 

Jocks kicked my ass

 

Lube me up Scotty

 

Subway sandwiches are fresh

 

Unoriginal references

Working to get something better done

 

Commit to live well

 

Know that your time is going to leave

 

Kissing ass for what?

 

I forgot to do the dishes and burned our house down

 

Kids are way overrated

 

Going out is too expensive

 

Get over your fears pussy

 

Pizza parlor tricks

 

Admire the superiors

 

Comic timing is off again

 

Nothing is going to leave us now

 

Get better results as you push harder

 

Being broke is getting old

 

Your puppet show rocks!

 

Tune my guitar or die

 

Creatures are made for loving

 

Nothing can stop the disco

 

Revolt before it’s too late

 

Unemployed nation

 

National debt is rising

 

New day and new debt rising

 

Surprise me for once

 

Who needs a shiny Speedo?

 

I regret everything

 

Deep cheese blues

 

Fuck non-Americans

 

Poll this

 

Where have all the pogs gone?

 

Flea markets are amazing

 

Clip your lip fool

 

Last night a JD saved my life

 

I sense a love connection

 

I want to be a game show host

 

I never considered you

 

Top wicker chairs

 

Nobody told me not to die

 

Fear is for the weak

 

Light my fireplace

 

Know who you are and what you do

 

Folding laundry

 

End on a good note

 

Nothing is perfect

 

Quit looking at socks

 

Life’s too short to care

 

Old people bitch a lot

Mowing grass again

 

Working for a practical purpose

 

Know that I can kill you

 

Stop sleeping so much

 

Please stop watching soccer

 

Nothing to see here

 

Unmatched goatee

 

Make a song man

 

Not now idiots

 

Type faster

 

Get promoted

 

Sacrifice to get better

 

Know that no one knows you

 

You’re a tool

Nothing should stop Sean

 

Losing my mind

 

Bad at missionary work

 

Fight for a better way of life

 

OH GOD

Discounted used band aids

 

Disco until death or a realization that it’s out of style

 

Onion breath ain’t sexy

 

How’d I lose to a baby?

 

Don’t get cheap toilet paper again

 

No one needs more corn than Kansas

 

Tennis rackets don’t work on big rocks

 

Try hard not to fart during yoga

 

That kid’s better at my job?

 

NEW FOR MARCH

 Have courage 

Anything I choose to do

Can remain the same

Or it can remain plain

Have a sense of humor

Add commercial value

One entire life 

Come up now

Treated like a prince 

Take your place

Desire to live well

In the limited time

I may have left

BIGOTRY

Sometimes people are labeled bigots

For merely disagreeing with

Mainstream opinions 

Some people who are

Clearly bigoted claim

That they’re not 

Sometimes people consciously choose

To hate others  

Sometimes people choose to refuse

To give members of certain

Classes of people chances

To distinguish themselves uniquely 

This is bigotry

BITS

It’s funny that most of humanity

Is inspired more by people who sing songs

Than the ones who have actual power

Over the lives of millions of people

The ignorant fail to follow

Societal conventions 

People who follow

Societal conventions

Often do so ignorantly

Gambling is only foolish

If one is bad at it

There are many losers in the world 

But that doesn’t mean you should

Join their ranks

 

WHAT FUN!

 

Missing out on what’s best in life

 

Happens to over 99% of us

 

Over 99% of the time 

 

Many people tolerate tons of crap

 

So that they can have

 

Tiny windows of life

 

Where they can live

 

The way they want to

 

Getting drunk can be great fun

But it can also reduce one

To being like a child

Drinking can be

One of the great pleasures of life

Or it can ruin an entire civilization

Anyone who’d rather

Get drunk instead of working

Often has to work to ensure

That they can have that privilege

Going along with the crowd

 

Can result in comfort

 

But never a top notch result

 

Motivation to overcome laziness

Or a great excuse to be lazy

Is realizing that someday

You’re going to die 

Pizza really can be more enjoyable

Than just about anything

People who never leave their home

Never see how miserable life is

In other places

People who refuse to pay bills

Ensure others have to pay them

Interesting things happen in the world

 

But people are so worried

 

About making money that they miss out

 

Stupid people never get to the top

 

But they tend to fit in quite nicely

 

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY’RE BETTER THAN OTHERS

What leads to others believing they’re superior?

Money, power, education, achievement, sexual prowess

Physical strength, intellectual ability, exceeding societal standards

Possessions, recognition, fame

Rich people often prove they’re better than poor people

By getting them to do what they don’t want to for life

Powerful people prove they’re better than others

By living comfortably while billions struggle to survive

Educated people prove they’re better than others

By demonstrating expertise in areas

Many people know little to nothing about

People who achieve success prove they’re better than others

With evidence of their creativity

People who have desired sexual partners prove they’re better

By being seen with their trophy partners

GIVE UP HOPE

 

Determine what you want

 

Settle for less

 

Learn to get by

 

With whatever you end up getting

 

If there’s intelligent life in other parts of the universe

 

They’ve best proved it by staying away from Earth

 

Losing loved ones is the toughest part of life

 

So to get the worst out of the way

 

Slay everyone you love

 

The best of today still suck

 

You’re such a failure

 

That living the life of a loser

 

Would be an improvement

 

Hell isn’t real 

 

The pain you experience every day

 

Needs a new title

 

To be an exploiter or the exploited 

 

That is the question

 

So many people

 

So miserable and confused

 

Because nobody can tell you

 

What your purpose is 

 

You have to screw up on your own

 

It’s never good to wonder

 

About what could’ve been

 

Unless your life really sucks

 

I want to love everyone

 

But there are too many people in the world

 

Who simply don’t deserve it

 

Get a job but never

 

Think that it matters

 

I thought I’d remember the big joke

 

But the big joke pretty much always

 

Ends up being life itself

 

TO HELL WITH THE WORLD

 

Slavery is illegal.  But governments, religions, and financiers have done little to outlaw mental slavery.

 

It’s pointless to help a cause that never wins.  Don’t participate in absurd struggles to make life better.

 

Zero people ever become famous as an advertising copywriter.  Follow your largest dreams, sell them out, and try to get good at what people actually value in the real world.

 

The gap between dreams and reality is so great for most that they just give up. 

 

Forces of the universe that are beyond human control could destroy all progress.  A gigantic asteroid could cause the entire planet to crumble. 

 

Many people pretend to work hard instead of making efforts to do what they love.

 

Creating chaos is simple.  Just act like a human.

 

Figure out what’s best and fail to achieve it for a long time.

 

Giving up hope is wise if one wants to be right.

 

It’s impossible not to be petty in a reality with so many human limitations.

 

Those who try to make the world better often find that people just don’t care.

 

Those who rule are almost certainly corrupt, but almost anyone in power would be.

 

Everyone is selfish; some people just make it obvious that they don’t care about others.

 

Zero people ever find joy by helping other people who they know don’t deserve it.

 

Reality isn’t as bad as some think, but not as good as most people think either.

 

For many people, being born is their greatest punishment.

 

Forget about the revolution.  Get a comfortable job and be happy with that.

 

Quit trying to save the world and focus on not being such a loser.

 

Why not look like a chump today for the benefit of tomorrow?

 

Anyone who has a boring Monday probably has boring weekends too.

 

Most people have a desire to be like everybody else and that eventually leads to a place called hell. 

 

A lot of people are stupid.  You’re lazy to boot.

 

Try to be better.  You couldn’t do much worse.

 

Potential disaster always looms, so enjoy the brief moments when it’s on delay.

 

Having faith in other people is only wise if you have faith in them to screw up.

 

Good people are courteous enough to be honest with you about all the stupid things you do and believe.

 

Know that problems are likely to come no matter what one plans to do in the near future.

 

Justice is often served to those with more money than the innocent.

 

Killing a cop is a terrible idea, unless the cop is going to kill you first.

 

Decisions must be made at all times, so it’s unbelievable that you’ve made so few good ones.

 

Freedom can be had in small spurts, but rarely for more than a few hours at a time.

 

End all things you hate, except your life.

 

There are ways to get to the top, but most of them involve a lot of painful climbing.

 

Get over your terrible past and live for a terrible future.

 

People are only okay if they were raised by another species.

 

If there’s a reason to be alive, it isn’t always obvious.  Some people honestly might be better off dead.

 

Getting the best things of life requires figuring out the best way to take advantage of the most people.

 

It’s funny that people try so hard to do right when they have to know that they’ll never succeed.

 

Have no fear; even worse times may be near.

 

SUPPORTERS OF BAD SCIENCE

“Hey, I think there are purple dinosaurs floating around Jupiter.”

“That seems highly unlikely.”

“Prove me wrong.”

“You know I can’t.”

“Well then, I must be right.”

“Hey, a magical being that can’t be seen is actually everywhere in the universe.”

“That seems highly unlikely.”

“Prove me wrong.”

“I can’t show proof of every single place in the universe.  But in this one place we’re in right now, there’s no evidence of a magical being.”

“But you can’t prove that there isn’t one.”

“Of course not.  But…”

“So once again, I’m right.”

I’D SHOW THEM

If I were a black kid

And didn’t want to go

To a chalkboard I’d say:

“I refuse to use the white man’s

White chalk to destroy the natural beauty

Of the beautiful black board!”

STUPID CRIMINALS, STUPID LAW ENFORCEMENT

While in the middle of robbing a liquor store

Joe B. set his gun down at the register

While he went to get some Cheetos 

The clerk picked up the gun

Called the police

Police officials arrested Beal

15 minutes later

Ten cops in Hicksville, South Carolina

Were reprimanded for placing bets on

Who could eat a sandwich

With the largest amount

Of Police pepper spray on it

IMMATURE FOLKS

Adults who still act like kids

Suburban parents who try to fit in

With their kid’s high school buddies

Forty something women who get trashed

At dance clubs and go for twenty something guys

Senior citizens who toilet paper houses

Older gentleman with younger sexual partners

Who clearly hate every moment they spend

With their young ladies friends

DRINKING

Violent drunks scare me

More than the rest 

People who are prone to unnecessary violence

Should either never drink

Or only drink alone in the woods

I’m glad I’ve had the privilege to drink

But I’m also glad that I’ve had

Some other even better privileges

The trials of life can be used

As an excuse to avoid drinking

Or to get wasted as often as possible

I ended up a silly drunk

But I prefer it to being

A silly sober man

I want to drink more than anything else

Except for having a productive and happy life

I’m not sure whether to

Advise people to stop or start drinking

Drinking can be

The best part of any day

But probably never a day

When one gets laid

VISIONS OF JUST MISSED COMEDY BITS

Song Parodies 3

Old People Bitch

Chicago Improv Scene

Hard Times

Crazy Warehouse Guy as a Commie

TIME CHANGED MUSIC

Rap is now selling

More records than rock n’ roll

What a disgrace

Wearing underwear

Outside of the pants

What are these fools thinking? 

All these rappers showing their underwear

Are imitating gays in prison

And these rap guys

Are mega-wealthy millionaires

If you act like you’re from the streets

You’d better live there

No rapper is drinking

Malt liquor on the block

Any suburban kid who likes rap

Is a moron

These kids would get their asses kicked

If they tried to hang out in the hood

Suburban kids should stick

To their lame watered down rock

Not that rock

Is much better these days

YEAH, ROCK SORT OF SUCKS NOW

Most of today’s rock sounds

About as dangerous as

The shit you hear at the Laundromat

It used to mean something

Now it is soulless corporate controlled bands 

The garbage on the radio is

Less creative than dish soap

Radio is going the way of

Black and white TV 

What a shame

Support VH1 to make sure

Classic rock never dies

You know, heavy hitters

Air Supply, Phil Collins, Hall and Oates 

Stick around

IMPROV CAN BE ART OR FART

Hello, we are the Wacky Wall Walkers 

To get us started we need a

Suggestion of anything, anything at all

Poop

Poop, thank you

Hey babe, get out of the john 

I gotta poop!

No way man! 

I’ve been waiting here for an hour

I really have to poop

Everybody calm down

But we have to poop!

Well why don’t you go in the bathroom then?

Because Shelia is pooping now!

We really need another place where we can poop!

Ah, I’m so glad that I’m pooping a lot right now!

Shut up!  You know we have to poop!

Why do all of you have to poop so bad?

I guess it was those White Castle burgers

Man, they make me poop!

While we are waiting to poop we should do something

Sports are out when I have to poop 

I can’t concentrate on games when I have to poop 

What is the point of poop anyway?

To expel waste material from the body

Perhaps we will develop amazing poop technology

Invent the Poop a tron 3000

I think pooping is great

We will take pooping to another level

Poop will rule forever!

SOMEONE RUNS ACROSS THE STAGE

We’ve discovered the meaning of life!

Wow!  Is it love?

No.

Hope.

No.

God.

No.  Do you give up?

Yes.

It so simple.  Poop!

ACORS SMILE AT EACH OTHER

HARD TIMES

Experiencing hard times

Would you do anything to avoid

Unemployment or flipping burgers

Tired of having no job

It’s like you can read my mind

We’re always hiring

I won’t sugar coat it kid 

Consider drug dealing

I think it’s really dangerous and um

Highly illegal

Oh it is 

But in tough times you do

What you got to do to get paid

Sorry, I could never 

No thanks

Just wait a couple more months kid 

This is better than moving back home

With your folks or turning tricks  

More of you will be joining me America! 

Trust me!

AUSSIE CRAZY WAREHOUSE GUY GONE COMMIE

Our leaders integrity has become massively reduced!

Our democratic social contract is no longer a Great Bargain!

Millions of the oppressed have lives that need incredible savings!

Let’s destroy our corrupt capitalist overlords and stash their bodies in a giant warehouse!

The revolution of the proletariat will be Incredible!

The Tyranny of the Bourgeoisie simply cannot last!

Make sure your join the revolution by midnight tonight!

DANGEROUS GUINNESS RECORDS

New for 2010!

It’s the most extreme

Book of World Records ever made!

Sword swallowing

Bullets caught with teeth

Arrow shooting apples

Off people’s heads

Fire eating

Everclear drinking

You name it

We’ve got it

But only if it’s extreme!

EGO TRIP

New from Universal Studios

The vanity project of all-time

Eternal Sunshine of Brad Pitt’s Mind

See the star as never before

A complete and utter ego-maniac!

I, Brad Pitt, created the heavens

And the Earth in seven days

Now come forth women of the world

Be fruitful and multiply with me!

You puny Jews look like you could use a hand 

Let Brad Pitt take care of those Egyptians

EGYPTIAN FIRST BORNS DIE

THE ARMY IS WASHED AWAY SHORTLY AFTER

Forgive them, for they do not know

What they do unto Brad

BRAD PITT ON THE CROSS

Come on out of those dark ages troubled ones

Here’s a printing press

Use it

That’s enough of that Hitler

I think you’ve done quite enough damage

BRAD PICKS UP HITLER AND THROWS

AN ATOMIC BOMB AT HIM

Completely revisionary

Completely arrogant

Completely Brad Pitt

See it today 

Brad commands you!

NEW SPORT

ESPN is proud to be the first

To broadcast a bold new league

It’s the no limit

No holds barred

Go Fish Tournament

Oh, and it looks like

Johnson is hoping to get threes

It’s a game of stunning luck

My, Carlton just turned

Three of the same kind 

What an amazing play

Stunning results

Check out the action today

FORGOTTEN PHILOSOPHER

Many of the greatest philosophers

 Illuminated mind, changed the world

Not like Randy Gorman

Steel worker from Pittsburg in

The early twentieth century

Henry believed old food turned into flies

Despite the fact that it’d been disproven

By science several centuries prior

Henry taught leeches were the way to health

Regardless of the problem

Henry proclaimed mixing races would

Bring about the doom of society

Henry believed all women

Were property of fathers and husbands

And any women above fifteen who wasn’t married

Or bearing children was to be shot

Yes, the world has bypassed

The ideas of Mr. Henry Gorman 

But his words of awful ideas still ring true

In the minds of great fools 

Good night

VEGGIE OPTIONS

Meat is murder

Slaughterhouse depiction

Remember what slaughterhouses

Did to humans

Show pictures of Hitler

Vegetables don’t count as life

They can’t even bark

Or make cutesy faces

So put down that burger tubby

Eat some salad

No more chicken wings fat bastard

Eat some tofu

No more steak and lobster

Wrapped with bacon

Time for rice and beans

Stop supporting murder

Save your life and

The lives of billions of animals

Join the veggie crowd

JESUS COMEBACK TOUR

It’ll be the greatest comeback

Of all-time

This will be an event

You can’t possibly miss

Jesus Christ comeback special!

Date yet to be announced

But all of humanity should be

Prepared at any time

All sinners will pay!

All the righteous will pray

There’ll never be

An event like this again

So make amends for your sin

While you still can

Accept the Lord Jesus

As your savoir today

CURB MOMENT

Hey… it’s you

You don’t remember my name, do you?

Of course I remember

We did that (muffle) at the Blah

You ran over my dog Fluffy

Oh yeah

Awkward silence

NOT SO BAD HERE

We have people in America

Who complain about TV

People in China don’t complain

When their relatives are shot

For disobedience

We complain about our

Shitty entertainment

In most of the world entertainment

Is betting on which person you know

Is going to die next

Funny Moments from Youth

I know who you are- Masked Honkey

Stealing traffic cones and throwing them in trees

Cheaper!  Skirt!  REAL pathetic REAL sweet, REAL gay

Tiger Drums video

Cannon’s butt dance

Butt suck

G string incident

Running around the café yelling nipples

Running out of Nance’s house less than half dressed

Throwing beer bottles at signs

Green Lane

Getting poison ivy from TP’ing

Continuing to TP even when Farley came out of his house

Bouncy ball incident

NHS rejects

Burning grass of West Jeff

Fighting while drunk

Charleston Chew song

“I’m so blown”

Getting arrested for drunken trespassing

But sir he was talking about my Mom-and she’s dead

Ice man’s smoke bomb going off in his pocket

Stink bombs

Mystery bags off the top of the porch

Playing pool and ping pong at Bo’s

Playing chicken in cars with actual people

Ten cent wing night at BW’s

Open mike night around campus

Campus parties

Getting hit by a golf cart

Getting plastered

Hanging out with twins

Karaoke

Ties and shirts on “game day” for partying

Ice cream store nuts

Angel goal

Unnecessary three point heave that actually worked

Talking to himself while playing tennis

Terrible lines used to try to impress ladies

Being naked in front of 100 people at college

The amazing quote board from freshmen year

Dan ripping out my leg hairs, slapping Kurt, threatening GP

Spam-outs

Years of silliness

Quirky Thoughts

Courtroom proceedings

Show just how brutally awful

The dark side humanity

Really can be

911 in OHIO

 911 was the only time I saw adults in America panicked. 

I had the odd experience of witnessing the 911 events in Ohio.  The people in Ohio reacted to the senseless deaths of 911 by rushing to fill their cars up with extremely expensive gas.   Waves flocked to the grocery stores to buy microwave dinners and toilet paper.  People in New York City are being killed and the noticeable difference in everyday matters where I grew up and lived was that people thought that the most practical and beneficial thing to do with their time was to get maybe a carload or two of gasoline and some stuff for the house!  I don’t knock anybody for wanting to have the power to eat or be able to get to locations of their choice.  Did these people really think their lives would be vastly improved by these actions?  I also laugh that because people in New York were killed Ohioans thought the effects of the incident would prevent them from enjoying simple comforts such as gas, food, and toilet paper. 

It did get me to think though- what if the toilet paper industry just one day decided to charge twenty bucks a roll?  They’d lose. People can find plenty of other substitutes for tp.  If it were twenty bucks a roll some of us would probably use 1 dollar bills instead.  Maybe bidets would become the new trend- I don’t know but there’s no way that product could hijack the American people.  Gas on the other hand has the masses by the throat- until somebody invents viable technology that allows the average person the ability to own a vehicle that uses alternative energy.  The products and potential clearly exist; there have been other ways to operate cars since the very dawn of the horseless carriage in the 1800’s.  But making it easy to get is going to be trickier.  For the moment gas is god for many folks.

WEIRD WORLD

The Dali lama has an appearance today

IT’S SOLD OUT 

I have never heard of a major religious leader

Who has had a SOLD OUT performance

 Does that mean that certain beings

Searching for enlightenment are going to be

Unable to hear the lama? 

I’m going to find out

The Cubs can spend all the money they have

Get great players and will still

Finish below 500

People adore babies

But often hate young teenagers

 13 years to go from being adorable

To become annoying

People have heavy preferences

About which major corporate store

They purchase virtually the same products at

The internet offers information

From across the world

In nearly every conceivable area of interest

But is primarily used for emailing friends

Who could be talked to in person

Or for the art of pornography

Funny things about music

Millions study and rehearse

The greatest compositions of all-time

To spend their lives unknown

Bunches of sophomoric idiotic kids

Who know a few chords can become

The newest musical heroes

People still think listening

 To certain types of music is rebellious

In a world where there are grandparents

Who got bored with “dangerous” rock and rap

Real rebellions that lead to thousands of lives

Being sacrificed go unrecognized

Humans made continual progress in many fields

 People’s taste in music became banal

Hippies went corporate, quit, or turned to pop

 Jefferson Airplane is a perfect example

As humanity evolves it may be considered odd

That people ever enjoyed listening

To the same types of music

Weird that Christian pop music

Ever found a market

Among young people

There hasn’t been an original love song

Made since the 1970’s

Teenagers of the next decade will listen to music so loudly

That shattering eardrums will become relatively common place

Funny ways to make money

Selling ice cream in Alaska

Animal breeding

Bobsledder

Cake tester

DJ for children’s parties

Emu tamer

Fast food quality inspector

Gunman in a circus act

Hello kitty marketing rep

Internet researcher

Jelly maker

Kite designer

Laugh track engineer

Magician

Ninja

Ornithologist (studies birds)

Pocket Protector Inventor

Queen

Rocket launcher

Songwriter

TV repairman

Unicyclist

Vegetarian cuisine specialist

Water distributor

Xylophone player

Youth Leader

Zookeeper

Excuses

I was going to do it but the weather got real bad all the sudden

There was absolutely no air in my tires and I couldn’t get there

It was shattered like that when I got it

My personal God made me do it

I didn’t know it was wrong to blow it up

Every single lawyer does it

I had urges that needed to be filled

I honestly didn’t realize what had happened until it was over

I never really thought they’d take me seriously at the bank

They aren’t hiring right now

Beer and nachos produce my best creative work

I have been cursed by strange ghosts

TV made me feel bad about my self image

I was asleep when all that happened

Animals don’t usually react to me like that

The biggest surprise came and kept me away unexpectedly

I was drunk and high and don’t even remember

I’m waiting for world peace before I allow that to happen

I only did it because rock music told me to

I wanted to help but my injury kept popping up

I was more than half asleep when that happened

Isn’t that some other departments job

It was the new guy’s fault

Do you believe in reverse magic?

I was too sore to get up

Someone stole my wallet

I ate bad fish and couldn’t do it

My skin and bones were aching

Nobody ever told me what to do

A bunch of young hoods did it

I just needed the extra money for my sick baby

I have occasional severe turrets

I thought it would help me to get ahead

An ugly chapter of my life overwhelmed me

Temporary insanity was controlling me

I was actually trying to save lives

I’m not like other people at work

I was demonstrating freedom of speech

I ran away because I thought danger was coming

I wanted to protest policies in a non-violent manner

There were more important duties I had to tend to

Personal circumstances came up that I had to tend to

I just wanted everyone to realize how great things were before the accident

My boss is setting me up

I was saving my energy for the hardest work to come

I was standing up for what I believe in

She was the one harassing me actually

I thought we were allowed to wear whatever we wanted

Someone told me that we set our own hours for lunch breaks

A pamphlet I read told me to express myself

There were these mean looking guys so I split

I didn’t trust the guys that claimed to have the money

Snakes filled with poison got loose at home and I couldn’t come

No one told me what to do if we ran out of toilet paper

My uncle is very sick

I never got a chance to prove myself

My keys were swiped and I couldn’t get in the building

I never wanted to go to jail but they took me anyway

I couldn’t afford to buy what I needed

There were no refreshments offered so I made my own

I was told that we could switch jobs to make things more interesting

My brain was not functioning at normal levels due to sun exposure

I was dehydrated

I was having a blood sugar level problem

My condition was acting up again

I ate too much to be able to do any of that

My allergies prevent me from doing any of that type of work

My therapist told me to avoid doing that

I am court ordered to avoid that place

I feel that it is immoral to work on the Sabbath and will not be in today

I was distracted by all the beautiful women in the office

I never saw any of the results I was told that I would clearly see

I don’t believe that work should interfere with living life

I did the work but the computer crash erased it for some reason

My friend had an emergency last night and I had to help

My family was partying all night long and I had to make sure everyone was safe

The nice clothes I have all became dirty somehow

I believe that the letter of the law states that I am entitled to do this

Excuse me for caring more about the weather than you

I just didn’t click with those guys trying to make a deal with us

All I want is to be able to be unsupervised and unchecked in my work

I feel that I have been held back by a conspiracy

I wanted to wait until everything was perfect

I just wanted to try to make people happy

There is no way that I could have done all of that

It seemed like I could attract attention by talking like an elf

I was trying to help the company out

There was no bathroom and I had to go

I have to drink that much according to Doctor’s orders

I had to make a living somehow

Living in exile

Life the board game

Where did life begin?

Life lessons

Death of a celeb

Hell is real-celebs in hell

Heaven is real

Funky funeral

The death of funk music

Song parody of something current

Song parody of something easy to play

Music battle

Breakdancing showcase

Mocking the greats

Current film parody

Dali lives

Picasso treating others like shit

Jackson Pollock School of art

How to act like Warhol

Who is the most famous artist of today?

FUNNY MOMENTS

Baseball scene

Video game scene

The dating game scene

Speech about high school girls

A nice warm glass

Tommy sets car on fire

The pledge of allegiance

Stupid moments of life highlight reel

Mocking perfectionists

How to get a job as something strange

A fact finder for encyclopedia Britannica

How to be a video game tester

Food critic

Porn director

God was asleep and can’t believe

How fucked things are

She corrects wars, and starvation

She prevents kids from being born

So everyone can get drunk and screw

An obvious liar and an honest man

The liar with guns always wins

Lies told by nations through propaganda

LOVE MAKES NO SENSE

The difference between love and lust

Is a thin line

Chinese fire drill sex

Crazy orgy of happenings

People you never want to see having sex

Case for nudism- Jessica Alba vs. Michael Moore debate

Family Reunion in heaven

Good idea or bad idea?

MY NUTTY FRIENDS

Taking too much of everything

Laughing along the way

Witty king of the comeback

Skits we did, playing games

Kurt and the angels of death

IF I WERE A CLOTHING DESIGNER

I’d only make

Famous knockoffs

Parda, goo-chee, bearsache

Or totally tacky, funny t-shirts

HEALTH IS A JOKE

Doctor rip-offs

Working out five times a day

Drinking some nasty shit to stay fit

Go from fat ass to flat ass

Be better than your neighbors

WILD TALES

How to meet chicks for seventh graders

An honest guide

How to meet chicks for fat divorced dads

An honest guide

Torture camp gives kids

Real perspective

GREAT TIMES

Eating ice cream with friends

Travelling some place new

Chowing down on great food

Laughing like a fool at friends

Watching The Simpsons

Euphoria

Getting high in Amsterdam

Getting drunk from wine coolers

Seeing the finest art

Living the life of Dylan Thomas

Death like a champion

CULTURAL STEW

Informer- Kurt Warner, transformer, damn for-ner, won’t bore her

The sky is the limit with fiction

 But with non-fiction the sky should be the truth

A stand-up act

Fear of failure

Such a lazy motherfucker

Visit every place in the universe

“Realistic” optimistic goals

Create music that resonates positively

With some other people

Philosophy- write it, live it

Worst case scenario

Nobody will care about

My contributions to the world 

I’ll lose my time, money, and pride

Which I’m guaranteed to

Lose anyway

UNCERTAIN FUTURE

 Peace of mind is

 Having the ability to try

To do what’s best

In less than perfect circumstances

DEALING WITH HELL

How does one deal with

Genocide, starvation, and destitute situations?   

How do I deal with them?

Genocide- Stay the hell away from it 

Can only stop genocide

Through the use of force 

Starvation- Stay the hell away from it 

Most people starve due to

 Limited resources and stupid politics 

Most victims of poverty were born into it

Probably never had a realistic way out

Severe mental illness may be impossible to cure

Horrendous state of mind

For some, life is pain then death

Funny band names

Kick your mom’s ass!

Metal band- Loud, proud, n disavowed

Jewish priests

Crack Sabbath

Ironing maidens

Guns and Lilies

Bombs and Roses

CD CA

Abba backwards

Cockroach stones

Kinky backaches

Red Floyd

Narrow smith

Kooky Sal Brokovich

Hurl wham

Never on a

Sultry mamas

Ballroom titz

Mott lee cru pole

Kiss this miss

Lack of sex pistols

Who what when where why

Slick slickback and the silvertones

The strange mike happening

The zany mike existence

Liars, rapists, and cheats

Fuck other bands!

Cheat on taxes

Penicillin rocks!

We’re still a band

Pay to see these guys

Notes for bucks

Musical murder

Shut the fuck up

Kevin Smith fans

Pop culture reference

Quote of the week

And the award for…

Demons from Pluto

Jig’s up

Make way for Willie

It’s how drunk you get

Wuss

That’s true Marge

Sax-a- maphone

We want you to have lobster

Whale blubber

Inside out condoms

The blank from hell

What’s the deal with us?

Funny answering machines

Festivus practitioners

Get out

Nerds quoting

New pie fight

Non-sense walkers

Ad road tests

Vivaldi is a wanker

Put the Chris in Christian rock

Pub grub club

Eat at Denny’s

Advertising whores

Love it or leave it

Bombed minorities

Tortured rich kids

Bitch and moan

Tina’s talking

Distance walkers

Future self freak-out

Create yourself

We’re your gods

Fuck god we want Mary

Eat at Roy’s

Country shitkickers

Destroy all matter

Scientific dick suckers

String theory assholes

Intellectual retards

ACMY- a village people tribute

Did you grab my ass?

Rock always wins

Dice is nice

Shoot the messengers

Full House Cunts

Jesus hates me

Fox News Hounds

TV’s a fad

Give up

Hey losers

Misanthropic wacky neighbors

Unoriginal thinkers

Tribute to everyone

Death sucks

Improve Improv

We have no fans

Name better than band

Mutual masturbators

Just press play

Prancing bad asses

Fries with that?

The Unemployed’s

Ban our band

Damn we suck

NEW TV SHOWS

They have no class

Where’s the wacky neighbor?

No rants about everyday trivial things

We all experience

Like that stuff in my eyes when I wake up

You know, that gunky stuff

I didn’t know it was called the gunky stuff

Well, I don’t know what it’s called

But you know it’s there

What happens to that stuff if you don’t worry about it?

CREATED INTEGRITY

What’s up 90’s retro bitches? 

I heard about that little melt down

Shoving children out of your way from fires

Changing religions for pussy

Stealing handicapped parking spots

They’re good stories

You don’t want to hear the truth!

It’s bizarro

Making one hundred million dollars

Off of “What’s the deal with socks?”

You have set comedy back fifty years! 

What is the deal with plot twists?

DESTRUCTION OF IDEAS

Lib-ral news controls their minds

Everybody loves O’ Reilly

You can tell by the way I laugh and mock

I am anti-war, nothing but talk

Army preys upon the foolish young

They might not see another day

Nobody uses fucking swords anymore

Pacino’s favorite role

Any place with running water

Must be paradise

Almost didn’t get the role

That made you a household name

Executives hated everything I did

Bi-sexual bank robber

It can’t be

TENNIS IS A LIE

Tennis world‘s full of more lies

Than a Republican politician

Completely rigged

Raphael Nadal and Roger Federer

Are actually robots

It is impossible for machines

To lose to puny humans

LEGACY DISPUTE

Money will not

Buy our legacy

It won’t hurt either 

Plus, I love having a maid

A mansion, and a mai tai

Anytime I want

Word

Word?

It’s like street talk for agreement

Very well, I word your statements

ANGER FLOWS

Bitterness towards life

Games are pointless

Poker slobs call it a sport

Old ladies duke it out

Over bridge

Pricks playing chess

Extremely bad dance off

Plenty of horrible dancers 

Mostly white folks from Ohio

The fatter the better

A guy is doing the sprinkler

Classic maneuver

Dancer places one hand

On the side of his head

 While raising his arm parallel to his head 

The other arm is lashed out in a rhythmic fashion

Towards others to indicate

Simulated water being released

As a result of the dance

Running man

Epitome of bad taste

Clear there’s motion taking place

But dancer never goes anywhere

Taking a mental vacation

 To the world of country music

A dance style humanity

Should’ve evolved past by now

Lemmings may follow mindlessly

An art form like air guitar

Or calling shotgun

FRENCH ASSHOLE

You Americans live like filthy pigs 

You are loud and crude 

You eat awful food

You don’t even know

Your own terrible language

I’m better than you

BEST FRIEND’S FUNNY

Go to jail and eat Charleston Chew

Columbus man

That’s where all the action is

Unlike our boring ass suburb

All people do here is work

Go to church or get drunk

I’ll probably drop out of community college

And work at Burger King

Giddy supermarket guys

Shopping at 3 AM is best

Nobody bothers

You can do what you want

Race you to the fruit isle

Laugh like giddy loons

I win!

I don’t even really want any fruit

ART IN COMEDY

You’re missing the point 

The conversation you guys have is funny

Because you’re being honest

About what’s taking place 

If people were watching us now

They’d find it funny because we’re idiots

America’s Funniest Videos was on for years 

It doesn’t get any more artificial

Or geared towards cheap jokes

Stuff is rarely funny

When you talk about it being funny

You’re all such stubborn dumb asses 

Naturally and when you try to be

Naked man

A better piece of ass

Than your right hand

HITTING ON A FRIENDLY’S WAITRESS

I’m a voice major

I don’t sing while I’m at work

But the waitresses at Denny’s aren’t supposed to….

Forget about rules

I’m the customer

And the customer is always right

But my voice may disturb other patrons

We’ll give you a really sweet tip

I could use the money

This is crazy

Is it? 

I think it’s crazy to have a talented and beautiful woman

Hold back providing people with joy 

That’s what I think is crazy

But what if the manger doesn’t like it?

I’ll personally speak with your manager 

I’ll tell them it’s Joe’s birthday

But it’s not

So what? 

I think it’s an occasion of celebration

Worthy of a song

HUMBLE LIFE

A little drive to the other side of town

A little Jack Daniels

Way too late to do

Anything about it

TERMINATION

Levels of getting fired

We apologize for the inconvenience

And wish you well in

Future endeavors 

Thank you

Fired for a tiny infraction

Smoking a cigarette within 500 yards

Of company property 

Paragraph 31 in clause 14

Of the company policy mandates

300 yards so we’re going to have to

Let you go for insubordination

You’re not permitted to steal

Company property asshole

And the way bad

You’re still fired 

Ugh!

Winter won’t come

CHUCK BEGINS HACKING AWAY AT TREES.  SNOW BEGINS FALLING.

A SIGN SAYS ONE MONTH LATER.  HE CONTINUES TRYING TO BURN DOWN TREES.

A SIGN SAYS ONE MONTH LATER.  HE PSYCHOTICALLY ATTACKS ALL LEFT ON THE TREES.

A SIGN SAYS ONE MONTH LATER

HE FINALLY SITS DOWN AND RELAXES

Springtime!

At the movies

This is going to kick ass

Bet the guy does some dumb stuff

Then gets a hot chick by accident

And then he’ll get lucky and fuck her 

She’ll figure out he’s an idiot

But also kind of a sweet guy at heart

 Get her mad and he’ll act like a dick for a bit 

They’ll break up and live

Separate lives briefly

But then there’ll be some special moment

Where they both realize they need each other

Then they’ll reveal

Their true feelings for each other

Then they’ll kiss and agree to love each other

For who they are even though they are different

God we’re such dorks

Hey nothing wrong

With having intimate knowledge

Of cinematic masterpieces

Writing a sketch off the top of my head

Funny Dialogue

Actual video footage of Groucho

But as you just pointed out

Still a belief

Not a fact

You don’t know

That there’ll be an end

The Oldest comedy ideas

Race car driver/Nascar parody

Butt dance

Beating a raccoon to death

Businessman funny guy, lawyer, agent, disco singer

Druggie, preacher, drunk, smoothie

Wrestling ugly Americans, hillbilly, WOODS!

Carrots- I don’t like, wrestler, crush walnuts with pecks

1 dollar car, ninjas, breakdancing, funky, artsy

Apollo, preacher, rapper

Soccer, naked man, prince

Card shark, abrasive slogan man

Zippy incident, diarrhea rookies

Token, Irish guy, annoying others

Dan or dorm essays

Evan rant

Exterminator media

Literary references, pizza, shot and hung simultaneously

Lawyer, midnight rule, sweet corn, herpes

Star trek mocker, party guy

Quotes of the week, misinterpretations

Kurt and April story

J and Poon

Dan and Grace fart story

Interracial problems of couples

Getting schooled in video games, Spam

Laundry fun- get inside the machine, BBQ, threaten to fight people

Bet on laundry, wear wet sudsy clothes

Strip down to underwear, exchange funny items

Church crowd vs. nudie bar crowd

Clowns vs. mimes

Mock rebelliousness of rock scene

Lies of fast food corporations

Bio for Tessa

Tessa is:

A self-actualized human being (She is also known in some circles as Tessa Lama)

A humanist minister (easiest ministry position to get)

An esti of the highest order (and there’s brutal competition)

An environmentalist (she doesn’t dump toxic waste)

A vegetarian (she won’t eat your dog Fluffy)

A loving daughter, aunt, friend, and girlfriend (despite her loved ones immense flaws)

A traveler (she loves to see ranges of places from Athens, Greece to Athens, Ohio)

A fan of Jeopardy!, Meerkat Manner, and Ugly Betty (and other non-TV related pursuits)

A fantastic lover (think of that what you want)

A woman who hails from Ohio (land of buckeyes, corn, and Wendy’s)

A bringer of healing and health (to all who can afford it)

A woman you don’t want to piss off (trust me)

A woman who speaks truth (she’s more honest than a politician)

A woman who laughs, loves, and lives (not necessarily in that order)

A great cook (try her layered nachos, they’re universally appealing)

A woman who aims to be one with nature (even in smoggy Chicago)

A woman who enjoys a good book (Like Our Dumb Century from The Onion)

A tolerant and patient woman (she has much experience dealing with fools)

A great human being (compared to the rest of you underachievers)

MORMONS ARE NUTTY

Archeology can’t prove the truth

Of a mythical religious book

Written in the nineteenth century 

 Even if all the archeological claims made

In The Book of Mormon are accurate

This doesn’t prove a dogmatic religious organization

Knows the truth about God

It claims to present evidence

Without actually providing any

Meet the Free For All

Monster truck rally announcer

Like life outside prison

 It’s FREE

As a beat poet

Like oxygen, it’s FOR ALL

Free improvised comedy

Peter as a flood victim

Sundays at 8 PM

At The Playground

Located at something N. Halsted

Knute as an oil tycoon

Creative comedic collaboration

Drink up to one beer at a time

From those top notch Pringles potato chip commercials

Italian sounding name

His accomplishments include

Surviving long enough to be tried as an adult

Knowing someone who met Tony Danza

Eating a lot at buffets

She is negotiating a better deal with the universe

Hair Club for Men is rad

Abby can make a dick joke

Faster than the wittiest 13-year-old 

It’s truly unbelievable

He has such range as an actor

He can play a scientific genius

Or a stark-raving howling lunatic 

So big he has a drink

Named after himself

Knowledge of trivial pop culture references

Only exceeded by his bloodlust

For laughter from anonymous strangers

 Bunch of misogynist perverts

Citizen Kane in a Biodome scene

A living work of priceless art

In a Pauly Shore world

Had pretend relationships

With some beautiful women on TV 

Might commit misdemeanor assault

Just for chuckles 

Angels in heaven suck

Compared to him

For free, or your best offer

DEMS BLOW

Elephant is mighty, proud, and strong 

Donkey constantly makes an ASS of itself

The elephant is a majestic warrior 

The donkey is a pacifist weakling

The elephant stimulates the economy

The donkey contributes nothing

Elephants are rugged individuals

Donkeys are the laziest animals on the planet

Elephants belong to those that have ambition 

How many poor people you ever see

Riding around on an elephant?  None!

Donkeys are for poor people 

Mexicans, Africans, and even Muslims

Donkeys mate like animals

With whatever is around

Easy to see why

Liberals pick this beast

With grotesque morality

As a symbol

Get moving on life

Any poetic notions left untouched?

 Certainly

Nearly an infinite amount 

Travel the universe

Get more amazing aspects of life to happen

Van Halen has come and gone

Carry a team of stars from the golden path

To a mere ninth in a petty division

Get a fucking clue or a fucking skill

Launch an experiment

It’s a relief to potentially be done

With labors that have kept me broke and unknown 

Despite the fuck ups’ I’d like to think

I sometimes did okay

 All for this mad juncture 

Go live 

NOW!

BYE

Ending well is nearly impossible

Settle for what’s easy

And clearly let’s people know

You’re fucking finished

FUNNY FINAL WORDS

“I could’ve tried a lot harder.  My bad.”

33 OUTSTANDING WEBSITES

www.google.com- Obvious, but links to most of the universe

www.wikipedia.org- Maybe not 100% reliable in the facts department, but still pretty impressive

www.espn.com- Covers pretty much all of the most popular sports in the world

www.imdb.com- Ridiculously thorough site about film, TV, actors, and entertainment news

http://www.infidels.org/- Detailed information about secular topics

www.ironchariots.org- Well designed refutation of creationism and support for evolution

www.yahoo.com- Like google, links to nearly everything humans have ever done

www.theonion.com- Possibly the funniest mock news in history

www.madmagazine.com- Not as good as the magazine, but makes me laugh

www.snopes.com- Weird and wonderful treasure

http://www.peterrussell.com/Odds/WorldClock.php- A reminder of how much tragedy the world faces

www.publicradiofan.com- Never complain about the crappy stations in your hometown again

www.youtube.com- Has some limitations, but it’s unbelievably captivating

www.hulu.com- Offers a lot of TV shows and movies for free

www.facebook.com- This satisfies the 13 year old in me

www.stevepavlina.com- Candid articles on personal development

http://godisimaginary.com/- A straightforward refutation of theism

http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/- Another brilliant critique of theism and the power of religion

http://www.hitchensweb.com/- Despite disagreeing with him on some major issues (like war) he may be the greatest journalist of our times

www.couchsurfing.com- A great concept that serves millions of wanderlust wanderers

http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/- Not as good as the books, but still pretty cool

http://refdesk.com/- Tons of information about nearly everything

http://www.billhicks.com/- One of the greatest comedians of all-time

http://www.chaser.com.au/- A goofy group of excellent Aussie comedians

http://www.gutenberg.org/wiki/Main_Page- Offers over 30,000 free e-books in many languages

www.playboy.com- Classic lust, but genuinely good articles and other features

http://www.infowars.com/- Conspiracy theories or truth?  I don’t know for sure, but if any of this is true, people had better wake up.

www.billboard.com- For the music geek in all of us

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/- Wonderful collections of guitar tablature

http://yudkowsky.net/obsolete/tmol-faq.html- Labeled as obsolete, but made a difference for me in how I view science and philosophy.  Yudkowsky’s relevant site material is quality.

http://www.kurzweilai.net/index.html?flash=1-Tons of information about technological singularity and other relevant scientific projects

http://www.thp.org/- Encourages empowering people to end the problems of world hunger

http://servenet.org/- For anyone who wants to find ways to help people in need